Chef Who Made Onions Cry , livre ebook

Troubador Publishing Ltd - Chilli Kippen

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87 pages

English

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Description

As on all cruise ships, the most important person on board the Pacific Belle, apart from the Captain is the Master Chef. It is the quality and yes indeed the quantity of food that makes or breaks a cruise. The reader is introduced to Master Chef Armand Barrique - twice Michelin starred - dreamt recipes, who is not only a Master Chef but also a man of sensitivity and devoted to his trainee expert truffle-hunter pig. Chef is also central to the plot and his planning and delivery of the spectacular Versailles dinner is a highlight, not only for the cruise guests, but also for the reader. Our old friend Alexander Pushkin Goldfarb continues his run of luck in the ship's casino as he observes the foibles of his fellow passengers while new characters such as Major Barbara Cock, a retired army psychiatrist and now assassin for hire, introduce elements of intrigue and revenge and somewhat paradoxically humour and sympathy for her cause. As in her previous novel, as the plot twists and turns in Ms Kippen's hilarious and deliberately absurd trademark style, she tackles another important social issue and delivers a powerful blow to the proponents of Live Animal Transportation. The marked contrast of sober descriptions of this cruel practice brings home the message that it must be stopped! Now!

Sujets

Marseille

Humour

Informations

Publié par	Troubador Publishing Ltd
Date de parution	28 juillet 2020
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781838595920
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0300€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Gabriel Gat é – Internationally celebrated French Chef, Author and TV presenter.

***The Chef Who Made Onions Cry won my heart with the grumpy but loveable haute cuisine French Chef Armand and his pet pig. I laughed out loud I was so amused by the eccentric characters outdoing each other in the most surprising ways. It took me only a few pages to envelop me in this hilarious world.

Helen Lederer – British Actress, comedy novelist and award winning comedian and founder of The Comedy Women In Print Prize UK (CWIP) . Internationally known for her role in the comedy series Absolutely Fabulous and the BBC sketch show Naked Video .

***Very Very Funny –

Selena Summers – Journalist, Author ( Feng Shui In Five Minutes).

***This is truly a comic masterpiece. There is a laugh on every page. As in her previous novel the plot twists and turns in Ms. Kippen’s hilarious and deliberately absurd trademark style as she delivers another powerful social message.

Partick Edgeworth – Stage and Screenwriter.

*** More wit and wisdom from a seriously funny writer.

Copyright © 2020 Chilli Kippen

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

illustration: Aylie McDowall
Photo image: Cindy Karp.

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ISBN 978 1838595 920

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Matador is an imprint of Troubador Publishing Ltd

Contents
1
The Din
2
Goldfarb
3
The Albatross
4
All Aboard
5
An Invitation
6
The Captain’s Table
7
The Casino
8
The Double of a Double
9
She Who Collects Houses
10
A Real Piece Of Work
11
Mutiny
12
Bridge Brigade
13
Sanchez Mendez
14
A Pig’s Tail
15
Man to Man
16
Jerome
17
A Major Decision
18
Analyze This
19
To The Galley Bound
20
No Sure Fix
21
St. Tropez
22
A View Of The Rear
23
Help
24
Think Louis XIV
25
Anyone For Hashish?
26
Fine Art
27
A Creature Of The Night
28
Casablanca
29
Holy Moley
30
Ajaccio
31
Ahmed and Aspic
32
Flambé
33
A Good Education
34
Gender Specific
35
Just Desserts
36
A Burger With The Lot
37
The One That Got Away
38
A Squirt of Opium Eau de Parfum
39
Smoke and Mirrors
40
Gentleman’s Agreement
41
L’oreille du Cochon (The Ear Of The Pig)

Footnote
A Message from the Chef
Truffle Cookbook
From me to you…
About the Author

1
The Din
Master Chef Armand Barrique – twice Michelin starred – dreamt recipes. And always the best of his recipes came to him in the very early morning. Had Armand not dreamt of a unique way with truffle soufflé before he woke on the day he was due back at sea, had that extraordinary recipe for truffle soufflé not contained a new and wonderful ingredient, then the disaster may never have occurred.
In his haste to bake the soufflé and slide it from his oven to inspect it – to savour it – he completely forgot about sunrise. Had he stopped for an instant to inspect the sky and perceive the waking dawn he would have put a halt to proceedings and waited. But because this was his last day on land before he took to sea, and his last day with his beloved truffle orchard, his hens and his oak trees and his very precious truffle pig his inattentiveness to time could be forgiven.
As he opened the oven door and inhaled the delicate musky scent of truffle and the faint sulphuric smell of farm-fresh eggs, as he placed the gently pulsing quivering vision of perfection on the scrubbed pine table, Chef Armand’s precious soufflé sank gently into a flattened sticky mess, blasted into submission by an ear-shattering sound.
The cacophonous noise came from a crackling loudspeaker through which a wailing voice bleeped and hiccupped repeatedly in a call to prayer that when it abruptly stopped was followed by a hissing sound reminiscent of a never-ending toilet flush.
Armand waved his arms around as though to shoo the dreadful noise out of his kitchen, but it was too late. He watched with horror as his soufflé entered its death throes and collapsed as though shot by a sniper. A blob of sour cream, which the chef had eagerly added, clung to it like a mating manta ray. Chef Armand Barrique clutched his bald head in his hands and screamed, ‘ Merde! ’
This was the latest outrage in a long list of affronts linked to the chef’s neighbour, the imam of a small run-down mosque on the outskirts of the village. Chef Armand hated the mosque and the mosque hated Chef Armand, but the imam particularly hated the chef’s truffle pig
Chef Armand hated the mosque because its loudspeaker system made his life a living misery. Five times a day it shattered his silence. Armand was convinced that the noise was the reason his nephew Pierre, who house-sat for him when he went to sea, had refused to stay again this year to mind the animals but had moved to Japan, where Armand rightly assumed he was guaranteed not to be billeted anywhere near a mosque.
Pierre claimed he wanted to learn Japanese but Armand was sure Pierre had gone to escape the din.
The dawn demise of his experimental soufflé was akin to the proverbial straw that breaks a camel’s back, and the event that determined Armand’s next course of action.
Rather than leave his precious baby truffle pig in the care of a neighbour, he decided to sneak the animal on board ship.
It became evident how much the imam hated pigs when only last week he and Armand passed each other in the village.
Chef often walked his pig through the village on a leash. The villagers loved the tiny creature and would feed it treats. However, the swarthy Tunisian imam, a man of wide girth and thick beard, had held his pock-marked nose in a very deliberate fashion and mumbled in accented French that the chef smelt worse than his pig and that someone – did Armand imagine he heard the word ‘Allah’ – should get rid of them both.
The comment naturally made the chef particularly uneasy about leaving his little pig behind. As a trainee expert truffle-hunter she was invaluable to him. It was with some self-satisfaction that he had re-named his pig Arafat, even though she was a sow.
His souf