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Andrews UK - William Stafford

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172 pages

English

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Description

Victorian hack Hector Mortlake and his trusty valet Cuthbert are at it again. This third outing takes them to the Scottish Highlands - but that's just the start. A mysterious portal and a ghostly gang of ghouls threaten to separate the pair for good. With a host of new characters and their craziest story yet, Hector and Cuthbert deliver high adventure and shameless innuendo in equal measure. Fans of William Stafford's inimitable style will not be disappointed.

Sujets

Humour

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Publié par	Andrews UK
Date de parution	13 juin 2017
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781785386909
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	1 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0200€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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îe Page                            î Pubîser ïnormaîon                     îî Dedîcaîon                           îîî

Caper One                          1 Caper wo                         12 Caper ree                        19 Caper Four                         30 Caper Fîve                         37 Caper Sîx                          47 Caper Seven                        53 Caper Eîg                         61 Caper Nîne                         64 Caper en                         76 Caper Eeven                        82 Caper weve                        91 Caper îreen                       106 Caper Foureen                      118 Caper Fîeen                        126 Caper Sîxeen                       138 Caper Seveneen                      144 Caper Eîgeen                      149 Caper Nîneeen                      157 Caper weny                       163

Aso Avaîabe                        167

Beware he Peckis Dead!

A ecor Morake Advenure

William Saford

Beware he Peckîs Dead! Pubîsed în 2017 byAG Books wwwagbookscouk an împrîn o Andrews UK Limied wwwandrewsukcom Copyrîg © 2017 Wîîam Saford e rîg o Wîîam Saford o be îdenîIed as auor o îs book as been assered în accordance wî secîon 77 and 78 o e Copyrîgs Desîgns and Paens Ac 1988 îs book îs sod subjec o e condîîon a î sa no, by way o rade or oerwîse, be en, resod, îred ou or oerwîse cîrcuaed wîou e pubîser’s prîor wrîen consen în any orm o bîndîng or cover oer an a în wîc î îs pubîsed, and wîou a sîmîar condîîon beîng împosed on e subsequen purcaser

A caracers appearîng în îs work are Icîîous Any resembance o rea persons, îvîng or dead, îs purey coîncîdena

For Oîver

Caper One

ere are îmes wen ï canno ep eeîng îke a raud Yes, ï make my îvîng rom e purveyance o Icîons, concoced în wa Cuber woud no doub ca my ‘nu’ or someîng equay carmîng – bu no so muc o a îvîng a ï mîg gîve up e woe wrîîng busîness and do someîng ese Preeraby noîng ïn ac, e încome rom my books (yes, pura! îe wo) ad dropped of o ae, îke a suîcîde rom a cîTop My second nove, wîc îs abou e Azec deîy Xoo, ad Lopped dîsasrousy ï seems peope aren’ îneresed în reîgîon any onger ï bame a Darwîn eow a was wen e ro se în uckîy or me, bu quîe e conrary or my pubîser, ï was ocked îno a ree-book dea ï ad one as cance o mac e roarîng success o my debu beore ï woud be cas ou îno e unorgîvîng snows o e unpubîsed auor ad my Irs, înernaîona besseer been a Luke? ï coud no ep înkîng î and, wen în my backes ugues, î ook a o Cuber’s perkîness and ceeky Cockney carm o rouse so muc as a smîe rom me – e aone anyîng ese “ï’s no you, î’s em,” was îs consan reraîn, meanîng e book-buyîng pubîc “You’re aead o your îme” Seeîng ï was unconvînced, e woud peck my neck and bow în my ear unî ï was aogeer dîsraced rom my suk Curreny, î was no bowîng my ears a ï was concerned abou ere was a decîded draug waîng around my knees, reaenîng o eap up my îgs and bîow ou e eavy abrîc o e kî Cuber ad obîged me o wear or our îke în e îgands ï ave read somewere a or a Sassenac suc as ï o wear a aran o wîc e was no enîed was a capîa ofence

în ese pars ï expeced o be run roug by someone’s caber or someîng a any momen No, no caber; someîng ese Wa do ey ca ose daggers ey sîp down eîr coarse, knee-îg socks? ï woud ave o consu an encycopaedîa ï ï am o be summarîy execued or crîmes agaîns co, ï soud îke o know wa e îng îs a does e job Yes, we were în e Scoîs îgands, oo ar nor and wes o Edînburg or my îkîng and my comor, avîng ooed a e way up rom ondon Bessîe ad served us we, bu se was now resîng în e sabe o an înn în some eensy-îny vîage severa mîes away, down în e gen ey ave no garages up ere, o course e moor car, sî în îs înancy, ad no ye caug on ï ave ad o grow accusomed o e sares we ge as we ure aong e counry anes, someîmes a speeds în excess o eîg mîes per our ï ad aken a ong îme o ge ere ï soud ave been gad o e opporunîy o srec my egs, exposed as ey now were o e eemens Bu e od ug was upon me and Cuber, ever e aenîve vae, was we aware o my ou mood “Sîcks ou a mîe,” e reurned, skîppîng over a srîng o seppîng sones as oug born o î, îke some kînd o mounaîn goa A once ï casped my ands over my borrowed sporran “Your ace, ï mean,” e saîd, kîssîng my ceek ï bused and îed my ands o ward îm of “Nobody won’ see,” e auged “Ony e seep and e squîrres” “Voyeurs, e o o em,” ï muered, darky e îsîdes around us were doed wî cumps o wîe ose seep woud ave o ave e eyesîg o an eage o see anyîng “ï broug you up ere or a reason,” Cuber smîrked On îs grey day – ey ave a o o em up ere, ï beîeve – îs andsome smîe was îke a ray o sunsîne, a bas o warm roug e cîy dampness o e aîr Woud a e woud dîrec a bas esewere! ï was earu o îcîces ormîng benea my kî “You and your reasons,” ï scofed “Draggîng me up ere” “ow many more îmes? ï aîn’ drag A kî îs a man’s garmen”

“Brîngîng me up ere, en,” ï amended my compaîn “Wen we’ve a perecy servîceabe, perecy prîvae room down a e înn” e roed ose sappîre sones e uses or eyes “ï see your mood îs up,” e auged wî e brîees gance a my sporran “A a kînd o îng wî ave o waî We’re up ere or a dîferen reason ere” e Ised în e deps o îs own sporran and wîdrew a sma, square box, e kînd wîc mîg conaîn a purcase rom a jeweer’s sop ï gasped and agaîn ganced around o see î our ovîne observers were sî wacîng My ear raced; e bood pumped în my ears îke a gaopîng sag “My darîng boy!” my voîce caug în my roa “ï am onoured, bu wa you are proposîng…” Cuber’s adorabe nose wrînked adoraby “Me? ï aîn’ proposîng noîng” My breaess grîn aered “Wa?” “îs aîn’ a proposa, squîre wo bokes, geîng wed!” e auged “ï can see a goîng down we wî e arcbîsop” “Never mînd goîng down wî e arcbîsop,” ï snapped, reacîng or e box “Wa îs îs nonsense?” Cuber was oo quîck or me îs and dared ou o my reac and my orward momenum caused me o ose my baance ï sîpped on e gîsenîng grass and anded La on my backsîde, my kî Lyîng up îke cequered wîngs My gîggîng vae exended îs and o ep me o my ee “Peraps ï oug o pop e quesîon, gov Now a you’ve gîven me a gîmpse o your weddîng acke” ï scowed “ï’m peased you’re amused” ï smooed e kî down, and rearranged my sporran, odîng î Irmy în pace A îs însîsence, ï ad ‘gone naîve’ and obeyed e unwrîen rue (or peraps î îs wrîen somewere) a noîng soud be worn under e kî ï woudn’ say worn, exacy, jus – sînce akîng Cuber îno my empoy – raer more we-used an prevîousy

My backsîde was cod and we rom îs conac wî e ground and ï was begînnîng o sîver “Wa îs îs a abou, damn you!” ï snared “You!” Cuber ooked ur “ï’s a abou you! ï’s aways a abou you!” e made î sound as oug îs was a bad îng “Go on,” ï saîd, my one soenîng despîe myse “ï brung you a e way up ere or înspîraîon, dîdn’ ï? You need o wrîe a new book, don’ you? You need îdeas or a sory, don’ you?” “We, yes, ï—” “We, en a’s wy ï brung you and îs îe beauy o îs pîcuresque spo” e brandîsed e box agaîn e ed î under my nose and îed e îd on îs îe brass înge e box conaîned no engagemen rîng, ï can e you a My eyes were me wî Lases o coour Even on îs dark day, e objec caug wa îe îg ere was Sparks danced beore my eyes în a raînbow o ues “You remember î, don’ you?” Cuber urged me o make a response “Yes…” ï saîd unceraîny ï was somewa ypnoîsed by e objec’s beauy – bu ï sî saw îm ro îs eyes agaîn e does a o o a wen ï’m around “You remember wo î beonged o, don’ you?” “We, ï…” ï ad no cue Cuber expeed aîr în rusraîon “ï’ gîve you a cue, sa ï? Pî eme, saarî suî Wîe e same No?” “My God…” ï ook e box rom îs grasp so ï mîg peer a e conens more cosey “Cares Bîckers!” e box conaîned a scarab beee o îndescrîbabe beauy Fabergé îmse coud no asîon a more beauîu, înrîcae objec, and ere was a specîmen, orged by Naure erse, a creepîng, crawîng jewe – O, î wasn’ creepîng and crawîng jus now; e îng was quîe, quîe dead Dea ad no wîered î ï

was perecy preserved, pînned o e însîde o e box, overîng over e cusîoned base Memory sîrred “ï remember îs,” ï nodded “Od Cares and îs wîe – wa was er name?” “Mrs Bîckers?” Cuber ofered “Someîng îke a ey ound îs creaure în Scoand, ey od me—” My jaw dropped and ï ook în our surroundîngs anew Cuber nodded, encouragîng e penny o drop “And – and – ey saîd ey ad no îdea ow î ad come o be ere ow î was a specîes naîve ony o ceraîn pars o Egyp and – and a î ad become exînc cenurîes ago!” “a’s î, sîr! a’s î exacy You sove e mysery o e beee and bîngo! You’ve go yourse a new book” he Mysery o e Beee e eage-eyed among you may ave noîced a îs no e îe o îs book Bu a a îme, ï oug î was goîng o be O, ï’d dress î up someow, o gîve î more o a ookhe Scarab Afaîr, peraps Orhe Grea Egypîan Bug Caper… îke our dîspaced însec, Cuber and ï were bumbîng around în e back o e Scoîs beyond Cuber was ookîng o me în anîcîpaîon o a repy A ank-you, peraps “We,” ï conceded, “ï owe î o od Cares, ï suppose No a ï’m bamîng myse or wa appened o îm and îs good ady – Esme! a was î! a was er name!” Pecuîar woman ook o dressîng exacy îke er usband, wo was aways ogged ou as oug every day was an Arîcan expedîîon ï suppose în eîr onour, ï coud poke around, Ind ou e cîrcumsances o e bug’s presence so ar rom îs ong ago ome And î ï go a sory ou o î, so muc e beer As î was, ï wasn’ exacy Irîng on a cyînders – a bî îke Bessîe wen we’d reaced e amos perpendîcuar, rocky roads ey go în or around ere “Say ank you, Cuber,” Cuber promped