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36 pages

English

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Turning to the Catholic Church as a means of healing from childhood abuse, Hank Estrada looked for consolation and comfort but instead found cruel deception and ultimate religious betrayal at the hands of a very powerful religious machine, and in particular one manipulative, deviant priest.

UnHoly Communion is a shocking and candid account of one man's personal battle with the darker side of the Catholic Church. Read the author's first hand accounts of how the Catholic Church continued to shamefully protect one of its sexual predators while he moved on from one victim to another.

In this heart wrenching memoir, Estrada describes his road to hell and back as he lived through devastating sexual scandals and found the courage to persevere. This inspiring story of determination and resilience is for anyone who has struggled with any type of childhood abuse, adult exploitation, or the unspeakable sex crimes from once trusted clergy. Estrada connects with the reader and shows us how hope, peace and love can be found if you don't give up.

Sujets

Santé et bien-être

Santé mentale & traumatisme

Vie de famille

Soutien psychologique et conseils familiaux

Personal Memoirs

Biography

Autobiography

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Publié par	eBookIt.com
Date de parution	23 mai 2011
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9780974098869
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	8 Mo

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Extrait

UnHoly
Communion

EXPANDED EDITION

LESSONS LEARNED FROM LIFE AMONG
PEDOPHILES, PREDATORS, AND PRIESTS

Hank Estrada

Red Rabbit Press LLC
New Mexico
2 nd edition — 2021
1st edition — 2011
ISBN 13: 9780974098869
New Mexico, USA
All rights reserved
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.
PRAISES FOR UnHoly Communion
“An important contribution to the field and will be an example of one more male survivor who is powerful and demonstrates that recovery is absolutely possible and achievable!”
—Howard Fradkin, Ph.D., Psychologist

“This is an important story! A great deal to say that can be of great help to victims and for the betterment of the church and society.”
—Richard Sipe, Author, Sex, Priests, and Secret Codes

“An emotionally charged journey. The juxtaposition of religious chaos is compelling. Powerful in its genuine open and powerful truthfulness.”
—Christina Crawford, Author, Mommie Dearest

“Very compelling, very disturbing, very well done!”
—David Clohessy, Former Co-Founder & National Director, SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests)
Dedication
To all those individuals in relationships with an adult survivor of childhood abuse. Thank you for your patience and understanding when our survivor issues become THE issue. When our unexpressed emotional pain unintentionally hurts you, and when our lack of intimacy makes you feel lonely. We are grateful for your tolerance, patience, and loving support. And finally, to my life partner Antonio, whose unconditional love for me since September 11, 1983, is my most cherished and sacred blessing in this life.
Acknowledgments
I wish to thank the following individuals, especially
for their support and assistance:
Richard Sipe
David Clohessy
Christina Crawford
Contents
PRAISES FOR UnHoly Communion
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Contents
Preface
Introduction
Chapter 1: “Go to Hell”
Chapter 2: Religious Vocation
Chapter 3: Meeting Father John
Chapter 4: Abandonment Aftermath
Chapter 5: Church Response
Chapter 6: Mea Culpa
Chapter 7: Incest History
Chapter 8:Adolescence
Chapter 9: Assault Memory
Chapter 10: Flashback
Chapter 11: Back to a Secular Life
Chapter 12: Romanceless Dating
Chapter 13: My Life Partner
Chapter 14: Survivor Identity
Chapter 15: Non-Sexual Abuse
Chapter 16: Perpetrators
Chapter 17: NAMBLA
Chapter 18: Father John Resurfaces
Chapter 19: Church Watchdogs
Chapter 20: Finding Help
Chapter 21: Wolves in Sheep Skins
Chapter 22: Advice for Parents
Chapter 23: Roots of Celibacy
Chapter 24: Conference of Catholic Bishops
Chapter 25: Good Clergy Disclaimer
Conclusion
Reference Resources
About the Author

Preface
In 1985 I reluctantly and publicly “came out” on a local morning television talk show as one of the first adult male survivors of incest. That same year, while living in Los Angeles, California, I found myself forming a nonprofit organization for non-offending adult male survivors of child sexual abuse, another first. Then I self-published Recovery for Male Victims of Child Sexual Abuse, a book about my recovery journey. Following subsequent years of intense public advocacy work, I eventually realized and accepted the purpose for my humiliating molestation disclosure with tremendous gratitude. I was finally able to confidently enjoy the emotional peace of not having to talk about being a survivor of incest and child abuse or about my personal “healing” journey.
Approximately nineteen years later, in the spring of 2004, while I was living contently in northern New Mexico; I felt my sense of personal security suddenly challenged by yet another sexual assault, a psychological trauma I thought I had conquered and buried long ago. I learned of a Southern California man who alleged that a Catholic priest whom he sought out for spiritual direction had seduced him.
I discovered that the priest he identified as his perpetrator was the the same priest who, in the late 1970s, had sexually assaulted me while I was in college and a Catholic seminarian under his supervision. Admittedly I was shocked, angered, and upset to hear a complete stranger tell me, in very familiar detail, how Father John Raab, C.M.F., a Roman Catholic priest, had seduced him with friendship, trust, and intimate gestures of affection. I had never spoken publicly about this experience to anyone; but now I realize I simply have no other choices but to do so.
As of this printing, Father John Raab, C.M.F., remains an ordained priest with the Claretian Missionary Order in Los Angeles, where we first met. What follows here is painfully honest and intimate story of this survivor’s lifelong battle against pedophiles, a sexual predator priest, and those who protect them.
Approximately two weeks before the release of UnHoly Communion, I received a phone call from someone identifying himself as an attorney representing the Claretian Missionary Order and stated that he wanted to discuss a settlement offer. I don’t know how the Claretian Order knew that UnHoly Communion was about to be release, especially since I did not have any verbal or written contact with any of them.
After reporting Fr. Raab to his superiors, the thought of filing or pursuing legal actions against Fr. Rabb or the Claretian Order was never a consideration. So, to suddenly receive this mysterious settlement proposal phone call was shocking, to say the least. I immediately felt that I was being bribed into stopping the release of UnHoly Communion. I rejected the proposal and terminated the call. To this day, I have no idea how they even knew about my book or that it was about to be released.
Introduction
I was 23 years old in 1979 when Father John Raab sexually assaulted me. I was assigned to Saint Anne’s Parish in Fort Worth, Texas as a seminarian and placed under his leadership and spiritual supervision. During that time, Father John (as I called him) skillfully and knowingly proceeded to psychologically groom me for weeks leading up to an actual physical seduction, followed by repeated sexual assaults thereafter.
Not long after the sexual contact had ended between Father John and me, I confronted him and suggested he get psychological counseling. I also reported him to several of his Claretian superiors, who assured me that my concerns would be addressed immediately. I was also informed by the Provincial, an ordained priest elected as superior of the Religious Order, that Father John would never again be assigned to supervise or work directly with students or seminarians on any level. I felt relieved and comforted that I had identified Father John as someone to be watched. I also believed these religious superiors when they assured me he would get the appropriate psychological counseling necessary to stop any further inappropriate physical behavior or sexual assaults.
The painful truth is that I eventually discovered that Father John’s superiors simply reassigned him to yet another position, this time, overseas to a Claretian mission in Africa where he was once again given a supervisory position over new young seminarians. Apparently, they just moved him from one assignment to another without ever directly addressing his compulsive sexual behavior issues or getting him appropriate psychological counseling.
After having alerted several other Claretian Missionary priests, including the Religious Orders Provincial, I learned that little had been done over the years to protect others from Father John’s inappropriate physical behavior and sexual advances. I have had to face the fact that information regarding Father John’s predatory behavior has continued to resurface throughout various periods of my adult life. I’ve now recommitted myself to undertake the challenges of confronting sexual predator clergy and those who protect them. In my opinion, the fact that sexual predator priests remain active ministers, somewhere in the world is a more seriously disturbing threat today then my own childhood perpetrator ever was.
As you will read, I, too, am not without fault, weaknesses, or compulsions. Unfortunately, like most survivors of sexual assaults and abuse, I am my own harshest critic when it comes to personal indiscretions and compulsions. I remain capable of occasionally making poor choices regarding personal associations, relationships, and intimacy. I have accepted the fact that much of the significant early childhood influences in my life have revolved around unhealthy addictive behaviors, i.e., chemical dependency and sexual compulsiveness.
Despite everything I’ve experienced in my life thus far, I am resolved to do the best I can with whatever tempting or threatening circumstances I face. More importantly, when I fail in my struggles to overcome risky compulsive behavior, I can now recall just what type of situations trigger unhealthy responses, evaluate which specific factors influence my decisions and focus on identifying positive alternatives. When similar urges resurface, and they always do, I take what I’ve learned from each past decision, no matter how painful or uncomfortable, to avoid repeating those with the most humiliating and unhealthy consequences.
I do not, by any means, hold “the key” to complete healing and recovery, but I know from experience what helps me and what does not. It’s my desire to share with you the reoccurring subconscious triggers and behavioral responses that I, as a sexual abuse survivor, have faced since my experiences first began as a five-year-old boy. I also never assume that my experiences are unique or isolated. Many adult survivors struggle daily with similar circumstances and issues. I’m but one of many who