Pretio , livre ebook

Xlibris US - Debra Godsee

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44 pages

English

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Pretio is a continuation of my previous autobiography, Love’s the Only House. This book is a diary of the love and loyalty Pretio and I share and his journey with colon cancer. It expounds on my mental breakdowns—due to the aftermath of my first marriage—in order to create awareness of the disease. It also delves into the multiple reunions of myself and my previously estranged sons.

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Personal Memoirs

Biography

Autobiography

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Publié par	Xlibris US
Date de parution	11 juin 2019
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781796039641
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0200€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Pretio
STORY OF A SCHIZOPHRENIC A DIARY OF LOVERS

Love your Life and
It will be worth li ving.
– author unknown

DEBRA GODSEE

Copyright © 2019 by Debra Godsee.

ISBN:
Softcover
978-1-7960-3965-8

eBook
978-1-7960-3964-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 09/23/2022

Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
792462
CONTENTS
Dedication
Flashbacks
RECURRING SYMPTOMS
Diary Of A Schizophrenic
The Diagnosis
POEMS
He Was My Great Grandfather My Grandmother’s Father
Cherokee Trails
Growing
A Cry To Be Heard
Class Of ’92
Spring Is In The Air
Indecision
Mara
Wings Of Fancy
About The Author
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to our son, Jeremy.
That he may know the Love his Parents share is true love, no matter the tainting of our imperfections.
*credits to Jeff Hagood Photography for the cover photo of this book.
Flashbacks
FLASHBACKS
I t was a warm, beautiful, summer day. It was my birthday. I was taking my brother to a friend’s place to see about getting him a job to work in the fields. I was wearing a pink t-shirt, a long skirt with flowers on it, and showing my toes as I was wearing flip-flops.
I met you. You were staying with my friend. While chatting among ourselves, you declared that you were going to marry me not long after we’d gotten there. You told me later that you fell in love with my toes and long hair. I was immediately attracted to your dark eyes and the freckles on your face, like the stars in the Sky.
We just fit from the start and I invited you to come to my place. We spent the night catching up on our lives like old friends. I fell asleep in your arms on the couch. We continued our relationship from this point on. We spent the days with my three sons as though we’d always been. Eventually, we decided to take a trip to Florida for us to meet your family. As we all know that didn’t turn out well, because it was the beginning of our nightmare without my sons: Timmy, Joey, and Mikey.
We returned home without my sons, and began a life together just the two of us. We began to seek ways to travel to New England to try to get my sons back as they were now with their Dad. Upon our first trip to New England, I went to the courthouse to begin a custody battle for my sons.
In 2003, I lost that battle because I answered during the last court proceeding that, “I don’t know.”, if I was going to give my sons back to their Dad; should I be given physical custody of them for the summers. I believed my sons to have been abused by their father and if I had continued to see signs, I would have fought every legal means necessary to keep them. However, I failed to explain myself and was given only supervised visitation rights at a visitation center.
In late 2003, with the divorce and custody finalized we were soon married. Our wedding day was at a creek where we spent many days visiting before and after the wedding with and without my sons, and eventually with Jeremy our only son. We were married two years before Jeremy’s birth on your birthday as we had met on my birthday and I wanted to return the favor. I can’t say for sure when or why it began, but for as long as I can remember you have called me Sugar Pie.
Pretio, do you remember... when we returned home from a court date in New England? You had a job in construction at the time. I joined you at your job and helped you destroy some of the buildings in town for the town to widen the road. We worked well together. A permanent construction job opened up with a new boss who would be known as Daddy-O. This boss was always giving you small jobs as well as construction work, like mowing and weed eating to help us have income. During the winter months when there was no work, He would often loan us money to get through. On one of these winter occasions, you and I spent the days and nights cuddling in the bed watching TV for hours on end. This created an environment for me to get pregnant with our first and only son, Jeremy.
Unbeknownst to me in 2002, I began to have my first positive symptoms of Schizophrenia, which wasn’t long after the separation of myself and my sons. Believing that I was the infamous Baby J switched at birth, I believed I was being watched through my TV and getting subliminal messages from the people on the shows. I thought my ‘real’ parents were looking for me and that the town’s Sheriff, who was friendly with us, had ‘adopted’ me in an attempt to reconnect me with my ‘real’ parents. I thought that my parents didn’t want to give me up to them. So, it had been kept a secret from me all my life. Eventually, I came to believe that my ‘real’ Father was none other than your boss. I came to believe that my ‘real’ sister and you were having an affair behind my back. Most of this was much easier to believe than dealing with the fact that I felt betrayed by my parents; who had given my only children to their Father. As he would come to keep me from seeing them or knowing how they were.
Shortly after a return trip from New England for court scheduled in May of 2002, I woke up with immense pain in my abdomen. I lay in bed for hours wishing for my death, though it did not come. I proceeded to take a bath to relieve the pain, though that did little to help. While in the bathroom, you came by getting off early from work and knew something was seriously wrong. You insisted I go to the hospital, though I was not in agreement. I just wanted to be left alone to die as I missed my sons immensely. You called for an ambulance and insisted they take me. Once at the hospital, they took blood and did an ultrasound of my abdomen finding that my appendix had started to burst. I was rushed into surgery and allowed to return home a couple of days later.
At this point, my sons were no longer in New England, and we had no idea where they were. We had no way of contacting them or sending them anything. It was mid-2003, and I believed my sons were coming back to me through the foster system. I reported to local police that three different families also friends had custody of my sons. They produced birth certificates to the police for their “own” children. This was yet another delusion of mine.
When I became pregnant with Jeremy, I began to hear voices cheering me on as I went throughout the day. Only two months after Jeremy’s birth I had my first negative symptoms with a severe episode. I believed you were trying to hurt me and I pulled a knife on you demanding you keep away from me. You wrestled the knife away from me; getting cut in the process. Somehow the Law found out and I was admitted to a mental hospital for evaluation. This was December 2005. At this time, I was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia and given medication.
I did not see the relevance of my medication and failed to take it regularly. This led to another episode and hospitalization, approximately a year later. When again the Law found out I had given you a bloody nose. I wanted to have another child and believed my medication was preventing me. So I was not taking it. Another year later, I was hospitalized for abusing 911.
In 2007, the summer between my second and third hospitalization I was dealing with the estrangement of my three sons. Their father had moved and I had no idea where they were. My mother had found out that they had returned to New England. So, we made the trip to New England to speak to the Judge about getting a Police escort to enforce a visit supervised by my Mother.

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