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103 pages

English

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A compelling story of triumph over grief and unspeakable loss
Praise for Owning Grief
In raw, compelling honesty, Gael Garbarino Cullen articulates the complexities of grief and single motherhood, beautifully illustrating the power of resilience.
Natalie Kathryn Sanchez, Author, The Language of Loss
An unflinching walk through the long and inevitably difficult stages of grief – confirming and validating the curves and turns that come with healing.
Steve Radowski, grieving parent
Straight-forward and captivating. I have worked with many who would benefit by learning how the author owned her grief after the sudden death of her husband, and then directed that grief into strength to meet the challenges of single parenthood.
Judy Higgs, MA Counseling Psychology, Co-coordinator of Parish Widows Ministry

Sujets

Personal Memoirs

Biography

Autobiography

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Publié par	iUniverse
Date de parution	29 août 2022
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781663243522
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	2 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0250€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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OWNING GRIEF

WIDOWED YOUNG, HOW I DISCOVERED GIFTS IN LOSS

GAEL GARBARINO CULLEN

OWNING GRIEF
WIDOWED YOUNG, HOW I DISCOVERED GIFTS IN LOSS

Copyright © 2022 Gael Garbarino Cullen.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

iUniverse
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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Cover art designed and illustrated by Aaron Johnson

ISBN: 978-1-6632-4351-5 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-6632-4352-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022914161

iUniverse rev. date: 08/23/2022

CONTENTS
Dedication
Foreword
Introduction

Chapter 1 The Journey Begins
Chapter 2 Life As We Knew It
Chapter 3 The Funeral
Chapter 4 Muteness
Chapter 5 Loneliness
Chapter 6 Uncertainty
Chapter 7 Fear
Chapter 8 Depression
Chapter 9 Anxiety
Chapter 10 Anger
Chapter 11 Accepting Help
Chapter 12 Dating
Chapter 13 The Many Firsts
Chapter 14 Cancer
Chapter 15 Growing Beyond Grief
Chapter 16 The Bicycle Accident
Chapter 17 One Step Forward…
Chapter 18 Gifts
Chapter 19 Legacy
Chapter 20 Evolution

Acknowledgements
Sources Of Epigraphs
Readers’ Guide For Group Discussion
About The Author

DEDICATION
To Steve, for the consummate gift of our four children. Annie, Kathleen, Molly and Colleen challenge and inspire me in everything that I do. For each of them I am blessed beyond measure.

FOREWORD
They were Milwaukee’s most appealing power couple – a spirited, strapping city alderman and his wife, the charming, award-winning TV reporter. You could easily imagine them in Washington, D.C. someday with their four darling daughters, capturing the nation’s fancy.
When Steve Cullen died suddenly in October of 1995, shockwaves rippled across the newsroom of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel where I worked as a reporter. How could this booming force of nature fall silent so suddenly? How will Gael, now a widow at forty-one, manage to raise these little girls alone? With my own young kids at home, I couldn’t help but wonder how I might cope, if, God forbid, that same terrible hand should be dealt to me.
Days later, crammed into St. Catherine’s Catholic Church in Milwaukee with more than 1,000 other mourners, I sat in a back pew, watching in awe as Gael stood up at the end of the funeral and strided toward the podium. She sized up the crowd with determined eyes, took a deep breath and declared to us all how much she loved Steve and always would. She would make sure that her girls would never forget him. I could see shoulders shaking and hear the muffled sounds of sobbing, including my own, at her powerful, heartbreaking testimony. We all stumbled out of church in a kind of daze.
Gael and I met up again about six years later when our two oldest children joined the Ulster Project, a collaborative to get Catholic and Protestant teenagers from America and Northern Ireland together. Noble as its mission was, the reality was four weeks of nearly nonstop schlepping from water parks to concerts to pool parties. From what I could see, Gael was bravely soldiering on. True to her word, she was somehow managing to raise these girls on her own, working to make ends meet, cooking, cleaning, shoveling, raking, and driving – lots and lots and lots of driving.
Having lost a sister and brother to suicide, I knew more than I wanted to about grief. People often ask how you can keep going in the face of such tragedy, when the simple truth is, you don’t have any other good choices. This was especially true for Gael. She and I spent several hours together that summer having soulful discussions about this. I could see right away that Gael was the kind of person you’d want to spend time with. She does not shy away from talking about the tough stuff, but, at the same time, there is no bitterness to her. She has that winning combination of being tough-minded and tender-hearted. With each conversation we had, I found new reasons to admire her.
Though Gael and I did not see one another often, our lives kept crisscrossing. I always look forward to seeing her. When I learned that she was writing a memoir, I was intrigued. How indeed had she managed all these years? She sent me a copy of her latest draft. I told myself that I’d read a few chapters and get to the rest when I could. I’m finishing my own memoir and was busy teaching investigative reporting at Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism. To top it off, I’d just had hip replacement surgery and was battling Covid, alone in New York City.
After the first chapter, I knew I could not let go. By 2:30 a.m. I’d finished the whole book, bleary-eyed but eager to go back and read it again. There is so much wisdom here, compelling lessons for anyone who has suffered an unexpected loss or found themselves alone with crushing responsibilities.
I can only imagine how painful this was for her to write, revisiting those terrifying hours as she desperately searched for answers to why Steve had not made it home from a business trip to Cincinnati. Or, the agonizing days leading up to his funeral, or the months and years that followed, watching her girls struggle, another Father’s Day with no father to celebrate. And, yet, this is a book of hope and triumph. There is so much to celebrate.
Even if you never met Steve, you will know this fun-loving man once you have read this book. Gael, a skilled journalist, brings Steve’s spirit back to life with her words. Readers will sit with Gael as she pours over bills, worrying about how she will keep her girls in their childhood home. You will stand at her side in exhaustion and despair as she shovels her driveway late one winter night. You will delight as her girls grow to become strong, determined women like their mother. You will imagine the pride that Steve would feel if he could see how this all turned out.
Gael has given us all a great gift with this book, the unblinking account of how she found the strength to keep going, because she had to.
Just as her words in church that October morning gave us all reason to believe she would find a way to make this work, this strong, brave woman’s book will help others through their grief and confusion and fear. Gael has shown us how to do so with grace, humor and a tender heart.
Meg Kissinger
Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism
Pulitzer Prize Finalist

INTRODUCTION
“I don’t know how you did it. I don’t think I ever could have done what you’ve done.”
That’s the common refrain when people hear that I was widowed at forty-one, suddenly left to raise four small daughters totally on my own.
To this day my response is always the same: “When you don’t have a choice, you figure it out.”
I had daughters, ages nine, eight, five, and three. Their lives were just beginning. I owed it to them, and to me, to find a way to work through unspeakable grief and a frightening lost sense of security, to find happiness, joy, and the ability to hope again. It was a daunting challenge, to be sure. Daunting enough when your life’s partner is by your side to help navigate the often choppy waters of childhood, adolescence, and the teen years. Downright terrifying to have to deal with science projects, orthodontia, father-daughter dances, first romances, college entrance exams, and myriad more life markers completely alone.
They don’t have courses that teach you how to be a good parent. Most of us find ourselves ill-prepared for this most important of jobs, but with another parent to lean on, to consult with, to dream with, we tend to figure it out. But single parenthood, not by choice but by a sudden cardiac arrhythmia that stripped the life out of a seemingly healthy young dad, was uncharted, unwanted, unthinkable territory.
As a news reporter who daily was handed complicated subject matter with the assignment of figuring out the story quickly and relating it in a way that was easily understood, I’d always prided myself on being resourceful, a quick study. The city council’s 90-page budget proposal? Been there, done that. A new breakthrough medical procedure? No problem. A presidential debate on foreign policy? Now that sounds like fun! Throw a challenge my way and I was on it. But suddenly single motherhood? There were no easy answers. No cache of inspirational wisdom to tap into. No way to Google the best way to handle the litany of issues, worries, heartbreaks, and life lessons that lie ahead for me or my girls. Nor to single-handedly take on the monumental task of molding these four babies into smart, socially conscious, successful women.
This book describes my experience and growth as a young mother in the web of grief and single parenthood. It speaks to my discovery of determination and resiliency, two attributes that have played and continue to play an essential role in my life’s journey, as a parent, a careerwoman, and as a human being. In no way does this book suggest a prescription for success on the rocky path of death and