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87 pages

English

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In this uproarious comedy of manners co-written by humorist Jerome K. Jerome, lauded by critics and fans as one of his best, upper-class pretensions are satirized when an affluent gentleman is discovered to be leading a scandalous double life. Meanwhile, the question of women's role in society at the turn of the twentieth century is also tackled.

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Publié par	The Floating Press
Date de parution	01 mars 2017
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781776677696
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0100€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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THE PRUDE'S PROGRESS
A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS
* * *
JEROME K. JEROME
EDEN PHILLPOTTS

*
The Prude's Progress A Comedy in Three Acts First published in 1895 Epub ISBN 978-1-77667-769-6 Also available: PDF ISBN 978-1-77667-770-2 © 2015 The Floating Press and its licensors. All rights reserved. While every effort has been used to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information contained in The Floating Press edition of this book, The Floating Press does not assume liability or responsibility for any errors or omissions in this book. The Floating Press does not accept responsibility for loss suffered as a result of reliance upon the accuracy or currency of information contained in this book. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Many suitcases look alike. Visit www.thefloatingpress.com
Contents
*
Persons in the Play The First Act The Second Act The Third Act
Persons in the Play
*
Jack Medbury
Ted Morris
Adam Cherry
Theodore Travers
Ben Dixon L.C.C., M.V.A.
Footman
Mrs. Wheedles
Nelly Morris
Primrose Deane
Mrs. Ben Dixon
The First Act
*
The scene represents a room high up in a Bloomsbury lodging-house. Itis poorly, but not sordidly, furnished; and here and there are touchesof taste, and some attempt at comfort. Nelly Morris, a young girl,dressed in a very old frock, the shabbiness of which she has attemptedto hide by various feminine devices, is discovered sitting L. of table.A pile of medical books, topped by a skull, faces her. She is sittingwith her elbows on table, her head in her hands, looking up at, andtalking to, the skull.
NELLY MORRIS.
Did you ever know what it was to be poor-real poor I mean? Do you knowwhat Ted and I have got for dinner? Three sausages between us! That'sone and a half—no, two for him because he's working, and one for me.And do you know what I am longing for more than anything else in theworld? A great plate of roast beef—heaps of beef—and Yorkshirepudding and potatoes—large potatoes. ( Sniffs in the air. ) Didyou ever feel like that? Did you ever try studying for an exam, onbread-and-butter for breakfast, bread-and-butter for dinner (when itwon't run to the sausages), and bread, without butter, for supper, likepoor Ted has to? Do you think he'll be able to learn enough on it topass? Do you? ( Breaking down. ) Ah! you only grin at it all. 'Tisfunny, isn't it? ( Laughing hysterically. ) I suppose we shall grin atit all when we are as old as you.
( The door at back opens, and Mrs. Wheedles, an old lady of the Mrs.Gummidge type, enters. Nelly hastily wipes away her tears. )
MRS. WHEEDLES.
Oh! my dear, you gave me quite a turn. I made sure you'd got someonehere.
NELLY MORRIS.
Only old Tapley, Mrs. Wheedles. I talk to him about my worries and heteaches me to laugh at them. Do you see how he's smiling? ( Takes skulland shows its face to Mrs Wheedles. )
MRS. WHEEDLES.
( Pushing it away. ) Oh, my dear, don't. You make me feel quite creepy.I do wish your brother wouldn't leave his bones about as he does. It'sreally hardly decent.
NELLY MORRIS.
We'll put something over him. ( Takes the skull to mantelpiece and tiespocket-handkerchief round it. ) You are shocking the susceptibilities ofthe British Matron, Mr. Tapley. You must be dressed.
MRS. WHEEDLES.
He doesn't look very well to-day, does he?
NELLY MORRIS.
What, Mr. Tapley? Oh, much the same as—
MRS. WHEEDLES.
Lor', no, my dear! how your mind does run on that nasty things I wasspeaking of your brother.
NELLY MORRIS.
You don't think he's going to break down?
MRS. WHEEDLES.
Oh no, my dear—at least we'll hope for the best. He seemed a bit pale,that's all.
( Nelly takes books from the table and puts them away in case, and inother ways tidies up the room while talking. )
NELLY MORRIS.
He's working so hard you see—so terribly hard. He'll be able to rest abit when he's passed his exam.
MRS. WHEEDLES.
Yes, of course—that is if he does pass it.
NELLY MORRIS.
Don't say "if," Mrs. Wheedles, please. You don't know what it means tous. He must pass—he must. He's worked so hard.
MRS. WHEEDLES.
Ah, it's never those who know the most that do pass. I've had a fewmedicos, as they call themselves, through my hands, and it's always theones that will never know the difference between croup and rheumatismthat get through.
NELLY MORRIS.
I'm afraid that doesn't promise very well for Ted.
MRS. WHEEDLES.
No, my dear, I am sorely afraid he won't pass—sorely afraid. But there,you can never tell, and one should always look on the bright side ofthings, they say. ( Beginning to cry. )
NELLY MORRIS.
You don't help one to do so very much, Mrs. Wheedles.
MRS. WHEEDLES.
I never like to see anyone too sanguine, my dear. He doesn't eat enoughto keep himself well, and you won't let me send a little bit of anythingup now and then.
NELLY MORRIS.
How can we, you kind old soul, when we owe you as much as we do already?And Heaven knows how we shall ever be able to pay you if he doesn'tpass.
MRS. WHEEDLES.
Ah, you don't like to feel that you owe anything to a poor oldlodging-house keeper. I only wish all of them were as considerate. I'dbe better off than I am. But suppose, now, it didn't come out of mypocket, but from someone who could well afford it—who—was rich—andwho—
NELLY MORRIS.
What do you mean, Mrs. Wheedles? Have you been telling anyone of ourpoverty? Have you been asking for charity for us?
MRS. WHEEDLES.
Lord help the child, no! How you do flare up. I haven't said a word toanyone. ( Aside. ) That's the truth anyhow.
NELLY MORRIS.
Please forgive me. I didn't mean to be cross. I know how kindly youmeant it, but you don't understand. We're not so very poor, you know.Ted can't work if he eats heavily, and—( Turns away, choking a sob. )
MRS. WHEEDLES.
Ah, poor dears—and both as proud as lucifers, so that nobody can help'em. Ah, well, my dear, I only just looked in to cheer you up a bit.There's nothing I can do for you, I suppose?
NELLY MORRIS.
No, thank you, Mrs. Wheedles. I'll get you to let Martha boil me a fewpotatoes later on.
( Knock heard at door, which Mrs. Wheedles has left open. )
ADAM CHERRY.
( Looking in .) Can I come in?
MRS. WHEEDLES.
It's Mr. Cherry, my dear.
NELLY MORRIS.
Oh yes, come in, Mr. Cherry.
( Enter Cherry. He is a dapper little man of about fifty-five, butdresses, and tries to look younger. He carries a book in his hand whichhe seems anxious to keep out of sight. )
ADAM CHERRY.
Ah, Mrs. Wheedles, you here?
ADAM CHERRY.
( He looks from one to the other. ) I suppose you've been cheering upMiss Morris?
MRS. WHEEDLES.
( Crying. ) Yes, Mr. Cherry. I just looked in to comfort her a bit, youknow. I'm sure the poor child needs it.
ADAM CHERRY.
Ah, I'll tell you what it is, Mrs. Wheedles. Wheedles must have had adamp time of it. I don't wonder at his leaving you.
NELLY MORRIS.
Oh, do you think it wise to start her on Wheedles?
MRS. WHEEDLES.
I don't expect anyone to, Mr. Cherry, I'm sure. He was a fine-lookingman, and there were those that lured him away. Not that I think it rightthat a man who's once promised to—
ADAM CHERRY.
No, no! of course not! I didn't mean that. He was a villain, Mrs.Wheedles—a villain. ( He bustles her, still crying, towards the door. )
MRS. WHEEDLES.
No, I won't say that.
ADAM CHERRY.
Oh, I would, Mrs. Wheedles, if I were you. Only I'd go downstairs whereI could have a good cry about it all to myself, and not come up againtill I felt better.
MRS. WHEEDLES.
Ah, no, Mr. Cherry, crying won't mend matters. We must grin and bearthings in this world. ( She is still crying. ) You bring down thosepotatoes whenever you're ready, dear. ( She goes off crying. )
NELLY MORRIS.
Thank you, Mrs. Wheedles.
ADAM CHERRY.
( He closes the door and returns to Nelly. ) That woman never wants togo to the seaside, you know. She has a salt-water bath every day.
NELLY MORRIS.
Poor old soul. I think she gets all her enjoyment out of beingmiserable.
ADAM CHERRY.
Yes, and you can't say she's selfish with it either. Oh, I just came upto bring you this ( showing book in his hand )—"Gray's Anatomy." I cameacross it in turning over some old books of mine. It's—it's the bookyour brother was saying he wanted, isn't it?
NELLY MORRIS.
(Smiling as she looks at the palpably new volume.) You keep your "oldbooks" nice and clean, Mr. Cherry.
ADAM CHERRY.
( A little confused. ) Yes. I—I'm very careful of my books.
NELLY MORRIS.
( Opening and reading title-page. ) Tenth edition, London, 1893. ( Shegoes up to him, and without speakings gives him her hand very quietly.He takes it in both his and pats it gently. )
ADAM CHERRY.
How is Ted?
NELLY MORRIS.
Very overworked, Mr. Cherry.
ADAM CHERRY.
Ah, well, the examination is only six weeks off now, and then he musthave a long rest.
NELLY MORRIS.
Yes, if he passes; if he doesn't, it means the old struggle all overagain, only with less heart and ( Aside ) less bread-and-butter.
ADAM CHERRY.
Ah, now, that old woman has been doing that. You mustn't think abouthis not passing. He's bound to pass. I do wish she'd keep downstairs.
NELLY MORRIS.
Oh, it's better to be ready to face a thing, I suppose, than to becrushed by it when it does come. There are plenty do fail, and they arenot always those that deserve to. And you see he's not strong and welljust now, and it is such a hard fight. ( Vehemently ) Oh, if I couldonly do something to help him instead of being a drag upon him. It isso hard. Other girls can earn money—I haven't been brought up to doanything. There's nothing I can do—nothing, nothing.
ADAM CHERRY.
( Earnestly .) Nothing! ( Nelly, startled by his earnest tone, turns andlooks at him. ) Suppose, my dear, there—there was something you coulddo—which would enable somebody else to help him—something whichmightn't even be very unpleasant for you, either, and that only wanted akind, loving, little heart. Suppose, my dear, some old fellow—notvery old, you know, but just old enough to—