All at Sea with Truffles , livre ebook

Andrews UK - Sheila Collins

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62 pages

English

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Truffles, the celebrity tabby cat of mature years (it would be far too impolite to state her exact age here), puts pen to paper once again to share her unique and delightfully amusing observations of the human world around her, this time embarking on a totally new adventure on the ocean waves, finding her sea paws as she sets sail on a luxury (as befits a superior and sophisticated feline) ship with cruise aficionado Sheila, her long-term carer and provider of every possible need. New sights, sounds, smells, tastes and experiences face Truffles at every turn, from the tiresome car journey and undignified customs procedures to the mystifying and sometimes frightening onboard facilities and activities. Allowed to leave her stateroom to peruse all the non-eating areas - on a lead with matching collar, of course, and wearing a purrfectly preened catsuit - Truffles revels in being the centre of attention, maintaining an outward air of decorum at all times, even when her nine lives are tested to the core. A fantastic insight into the mind of a cat and the puzzles and mysteries created by events and practices that we all take for granted without question, and also a tantalising taster for those humans that haven't yet been tempted by the cruising lifestyle. One thing's for sure: Truffles can highly recommend it (oh, and Sheila, too)!

Informations

Publié par	Andrews UK
Date de parution	20 juin 2011
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781908382993
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0300€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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Title Page

ALL AT SEA WITH TRUFFLES

The Fat Tabby Cat Goes Cruising

by
Sheila Collins

Foreword by Ann Widdecombe

Publisher Information

First published in 2011 by
Apex Publishing Ltd
PO Box 7086, Clacton on Sea, Essex, CO15 5WN, England
www.apexpublishing.co.uk

Digital Edition converted and distributed in 2011 by
Andrews UK Limited
www.andrewsuk.com

Copyright © 2011 by Sheila Collins
The author has asserted her moral rights

All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition, that no part of this book is to be reproduced, in any shape or form. Or by way of trade, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, be lent, re- sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition, including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser, without prior permission of the copyright holder.

Cover Design: Siobhan Smith
Illustrations: Sheila Collins

Author’s Note

People seem to have enjoyed Truffles’ catty, and sometimes acerbic, comments published in her ‘diaries’ giving us her take on a cat’s life whilst living in our human world. Cruising being my absolute favourite pastime, I thought I would put her on board a cruise ship to see just what she would make of that particular environment!
Obviously no modern-day cruise ships would ever allow a cat on board, so I have used a bit of ‘poetic licence’ by allowing Truffles to enter this essentially human domain. Also, the ‘cruise ship’ on which I have chosen to take Truffles is, in fact, a combination of descriptions of my two favourite cruise ships (cruise aficionados will probably recognise both of them!), as between them they have every kind of facility and amenity on board that would interest Truffles.

Foreword

Ever since Truffles wandered into my life via an early manuscript I have from time to time thought: “I wonder what that cat is up to? When will we get the next story?” And now here it is and it appears that Truffles and I have been doing much the same thing – enjoying life on the waves. For anybody who loves both the sea and cats this book is a dream.
As usual the younger reader will learn as Truffles experiences everything from lifeboat drill to distinguishing between the various decks to climbing the mast to the noise of the engine. Grown ups will smile over the burial at sea of a sack of potatoes and everyone will enjoy the port adventures.
Next time I go on a cruise it will feel as if something is missing – a quiet, observant bundle of fur! – while those who have never cruised may now be inspired to follow in Truffles’ elegant pawsteps.
So, get out your deck chair, pour a drink and let your imagination take you to sea with Truffles.

Ann Widdecombe

Let me introduce myself...

Hello readers! My name is Truffles - though my human carer, Sheila, often calls me by other names! I can’t imagine why - and such soppy ones as well: poppet, sweetypie, picklepuss (ugh!) and pussypoo (yuk!) and sometimes she even calls me a little monkey! Now, how on earth can she mistake me for a monkey? Beats me! However, in truth I am a tabby cat of some distinction and definitely NOT a monkey. Although admitting to being of advanced years now, nothing passes me by and my senses are just as sharp as when I was a mere spring kitten. During my time living in your human environment I have learned to understand your language purrfectly, though with a feline larynx I am afraid I cannot make conversation except in my own tongue. Therefore, people tend to think I only know a few words, like my name, Truffles, and phrases such as “come in” or “dinner’s ready” or “where are you hiding?” etc. I sometimes think how wonderful it would be if I could speak human - my, oh my, what a lot of cats I could set amongst the pigeons from my eavesdropping over the years!
Anyway, here I am, ready to tell you all about my experiences on a cruise that I took recently with Sheila. I know that many, many of you humans just love cruising as she does, so I thought I would personally find out what all the fuss is about. Sheila adores her three big C’s - cats, cruising and chocolate! Apart from yours truly, she has been a human carer to several cats over the years, has embarked on 35 cruises and has eaten, no doubt, several tonnes of chocolates. So I thought if I coerced her intotaking me on a cruise with her, plus a box of choccies, she would be a really happy bunny. (There again, another funny name to be called! I wonder why you humans say that - happy bunny? I’ve never seen a happy bunny in my life. The ones I used to see in the fields near where we lived always seemed to be looking anxiously over their shoulders - but that could have been because they had seen me!) Anyway, I digress - which I am very good at doing, as readers of my previous books will know - so let’s get started.
Firstly, for those of you who have not read Truffles’ Diaries and so are not aware of how famous I am in the feline literary world, well there’s only one thing to do - go out and buy it or download it onto those little electronic machines you humans set such store by nowadays. I don’t know why you all have to have them - we cats have never needed extra equipment, just our sharp brains.
Secondly, please pay attention because I am going to give you a quick history lesson...
Going back two or three hundred years, nearly all ships had a cat on board - the ‘Ship’s Cat’ - and sailors, being very superstitious as a whole, felt that its feline presence was a good omen. Not only was a feline crew member considered to be lucky, but also the cat worked very hard to keep rats and other vermin away from both the cargo and the crew. Some sailors/fishermen would not venture aboard their vessel if a cat were not in residence to bring them good fortune. So, the ship’s cat was a revered creature. Its hard work reaped rewards, from feasting on the ‘catch of the day’ (fish for the crew, mice and/or rats for the cat!) to being petted and befriended by those on the ship, who would often feel lonely working away from their homes and families for long periods of time. No wonder the cats of old felt superior - they were essential marine accessories!
Cats today still feel that they are necessary, supreme beings inthe pet world, and the often seen quotation, “Dogs have masters, cats have servants”, is so very true! I most definitely feel superior and my own carer has been long accustomed to carrying out my instructions to the letter in regard to feeding, grooming and the provision of home comforts. She wouldn’t have it any other way!
Modern-day cruise ships do not have a lucky cat on board - how times have changed! However, for my forthcoming trip with Sheila on one of the largest cruise liners afloat, they too will be lucky (and honoured) to have me with them for a while.

Pre-cruise preparations

As Sheila has already told you, cats are definitely not allowed on cruise ships - due to the ‘Elf and Safety’ regulations so dominant nowadays in all our lives. However, because I am something of a feline celebrity, I had received an invitation and Sheila managed to get special dis… disp… dispens… permission to take me with her on this one trip. How thrilling! She always gets excited before she leaves for a cruise; however, up until now it has been the opposite for me. Usually, while she has been enjoying herself in a life of human luxury, poor Truffles has been incarcerated in the local cats’ concentration camp - albeit, I must grudgingly admit - one of the best ones around. Still, it’s not the same as being in your own comfy home!
I can never understand why you humans wear so many outer coverings and then complain about all the washing and ironing entailed in order to keep them looking nice. We cats wear all-in- one furry cat suits that only need a good lick once or twice a day to keep them looking glossy and smart. Likewise, Sheila has an awful lot of paw covers. I have none and have no difficulty whatsoever walking, running or climbing anywhere. She has all sorts: lots with high heels (how ridiculous), some all strappy, some flat and others that she wears in winter, which reach halfway up her legs - all so strange to a cat. She also carries around with her lots of small containers with handles, many of which match her paw covers. I think these are called handbags. I have always wondered what she puts in these bags. I would certainly never deign to carry things myself (except perhaps small mice, spiders or birds - as she wouldn’t be able to pick up one without screaming). I expect Sheila, in her role of my carer, to perform such tasks.
Before we could go on our cruise, however, we had to do our packing. Sheila always takes several days to do all hers - and I’m not surprised, as she seems to take half the house with her. One container (I believe travelling containers are called suitcases by you humans) is solely for paw covers and her handbags. While she hummed and hawed as she collected all these objects together, I counted no less than sixteen pairs of paw covers in varying styles, three ‘daytime’ bags and twelve ‘evening’ bags. Ridiculous!
As for all her outer coverings, her boast is that on a cruise she never wears the same outfit twice. Hence, several days prior to the start of the packing marathon are taken up with her poring over lists of what she has decided to take and what accs… access… accesso… matching things to wear with them. At home she never seems to