Punishment of Sherlock Holmes , livre ebook

Andrews UK - K Jones Philip

Découvre YouScribe en t'inscrivant gratuitement

Je m'inscris

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

111 pages

English

Vous pourrez modifier la taille du texte de cet ouvrage

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

A propos
Informations
Extrait

Description

A collection of hundreds of Sherlock Holmes puns amassed over decades and stolen from a host of sources. The wordplay may be familiar, but the settings and characters are all original to the sources cited. The puns that have made it into the book are all Sherlockian narratives. Each is a tale describing events featuring Holmes characters, not simply a comment or an observation. We warn traditional Holmes fans up front, you will be annoyed and offended. If you are not, then the authors simply have not found your particular hangup - yet. Pick a number, they will get to you in a later edition.

Informations

Publié par	Andrews UK
Date de parution	21 novembre 2012
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781780920450
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	1 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0300€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Title Page
THE PUNISHMENT OF SHERLOCK HOLMES
Selected Sherlockian puns
Collected and Edited by
Bob Burr and Philip K. Jones

Publisher Information
Published in the UK by MX Publishing
335 Princess Park Manor, Royal Drive,
London, N11 3GX
www.mxpublishing.com
Digital edition converted and distributed in 2012 by
Andrews UK Limited
www.andrewsuk.com
© Copyright 2011 Bob Burr and Philip K Jones
The right of Bob Burr and Philip K Jones to be identified as the authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998.
All rights reserved. No reproduction, copy or transmission of this publication may be made without express prior written permission. No paragraph of this publication may be reproduced, copied or transmitted except with express prior written permission or in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright Act 1956 (as amended). Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damage.
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The opinions expressed herein are those of the authors and not of MX Publishing.
Cover design by www.staunch.com

Introduction
This collection of puns was amassed through several accidents. The senior member of this partnership in perfidy (Bob Burr, “The Rascally Lascar”) has been collecting, publishing and perpetrating puns for many years, often in Sherlockian periodicals such as Plugs & Dottles and Wheelwrightings. A few years ago, this predilection for punditry bubbled over and caused him to start posting puns before the very respectable Sherlockian discussion group, The Hounds of the Internet. In the fullness of time, this venerable punster was asked to cease and desist, the normal reaction of any respectable literary discussion list. When he continued in his madness, he was asked, politely, to take his mental affliction elsewhere, ANY elsewhere.
The junior editor (Philip K. Jones, “An Ill-dressed Vagabond”) contrived to continue posting bootleg puns, supplied by his venerable Fagin, until asked to cease as well, by the long-suffering listmeister of the Hounds. The problem was that this infected soul, was no longer able to function in a semi-rational manner without a regular “fix” to slake his horrible addiction. He had even arrived, in his madness, at the point of actually producing his own puns, the final, fatal stage of this progressive degeneration.
Indeed, the poor man was also involved in cataloging Sherlockian pastiches, parodies and related fiction. In his madness, he insisted that the narrative format of these puns should actually be classified as pasticherie and was busily engaged in listing every last one of these hideous travesties in a database. Both editors obtained some temporary relief by participating in a new, Sherlockian forum, The Shamlockians, which allowed free rein to their warped imaginations and actually accepted their efforts as fit subjects for discussion. This relief was, however, short lived and the progression of their addiction has now forced them to share their madness with others through the medium of the printed word.
So, here it is! A collection of the worst PUNishment available to Sherlockians, a monster agglomeration of puns involving The Master, The Good Doctor and other Canonical characters. These are not amusement for the lighthearted. They are mainline, perverted, Sherlockian scholarship, truly twisted views of the Master and the Holy Canon. They are meant to disgust true Sherlockian scholars, not to inform or to uplift, but rather to appall and to astound.
We warn you! Prepare to be offended! We strive to be equal opportunity offense producers and to offend Everyone ! If we haven’t offended you, it is not from a lack of effort, we merely have not yet got around to your particular hang ups. Our scriveners are working feverishly on new and more offensive materials, as we aim to offend everyone who can read. Wait your turn. Take a number. But, if you are really in a hurry, drop us a note through the Publishers and monitor your favorite Sherlockian list while you wait for our writers’ genius to ferment all over your suggested sensitive subjects.
Items included in this collection are all Sherlockian narratives; that is to say that they detail some events involving Canonical characters. One liners are not included. Each and every one of these is supposed to be a tale describing events, not a comment or an observation. In light of this requirement, each follows a standard pattern. It has a title, a narrative portion, an author’s line and one or more publication lines. Finally, the SHPUN number is given. This identifies the item uniquely in the database of Sherlockian pastiches, parodies and related fiction. The value of this identifier becomes apparent as the number of puns on file grows. Each pun is associated with a SHPUN# and one of its punch lines in the database and can be retrieved by either. With more than 300 such items on file, confusion involving similar items is certainly possible. This is especially true about the items in the final section (THE STONES, et al...).

Dedication
To:
The late “Sage of Santa Fe,” John Bennett Shaw, a punster in his own right as well as the numerous other pun addicts of the Sherlockian world.

Acknowledgements
Listed, more or less, in the order their work is included:
Robert Brodie
Dave Galerstein
Chuck Neblock
Frank Darlington
John C. Sherwood
Rosemary Michaud
Donald A. Redmond
Lee Shackleford
Richard Milne
David Galerstein
Jack Kavanagh
Sandy Kozinn (Esmeralda)
John Ruyle
Brad Keefauver
Melanie Hughes
Gary List
Ann Margaret Lewis
William Ballew
David R. McCallister
Art Moger
G. Earle Hamerstrand
Gordon R. Speck
Carolyn Low
Tom Simpson
Rev. Dr. Benton Wood
Newton Williams
David J. Milner
Edward B. Bagley
Karen Murdock (May Blunder)
Don Dillistone
Howard Einbinder
Marion Parker
Frank Darlington
W. W. Higgens
Dr. James Taggart
Dr. Neil Taylor
Suellen Kirkwood
Bret D. Wortman
Marla Elmore
Peter Blau
Howard E. Burr

Biblical
As many serious literary efforts begin, we too, resort to the Bible for inspiration. Sherlockian scholars (and Sherlockian hacks, as well) are unable to avoid drawing inspiration from this most seminal of Literary Sources. Unfortunately, as is the way with punsters, Literary Sources quickly are made mock of and I’m sure the inspirations to be found in our Biblical puns will offend at least a few of the truly devout. Be consoled that we shall move on to other sources of inspiration with equally offensive zeal.
The Case Of The Devious Painters [SHPUN068]
Sherlock Holmes had been bent over his deal-topped chemical table for almost an hour as he analyzed some samples of paint supplied to him earlier in the day by the rector of the church of Saint Monica. Finally, with an expression of satisfaction, he extinguished the Bunsen and remarked:
“Well, Watson, it’s as the rector and I expected.”
“How’s that, Holmes?”
“Simply this, my good fellow. The rector recently hired two gentlemen to paint the new addition to the church, and to realize a larger profit the two scoundrels diluted the paint with solvent to make it go further. My tests this afternoon prove it beyond a doubt.”
“Very dishonest, Holmes,” I remarked. “And what is to be done now?”
“I shall contact the two knaves and admonish them accordingly.”
“And what will you say?”
“I think, Watson, that ‘Repaint and thin no more’ would be most appropriate.”
This was written by “The Rascally Lascar.”
This was first published in Plugs & Dottles, Issue #88, January, 1986.
It was later published on the Hounds of the Internet List on January 30th, 2005.
John 8:7 [SHPUN291]
Professor Moriarty, that evil genius, had succeeded in producing a clone of himself. The clone, who was even viler than his original, proceeded to murder a young woman whose body was eventually found in the nets of a fishing trawler. The enraged crew brought the case to Sherlock Holmes.
“Find the murderer, Mr. Holmes,” their Captain exclaimed, “then turn him over to us. We’ll tie an anchor round his neck and pitch him into the Thames.”
“And which of your crew will feel qualified to do so” asked Holmes.
“Qualified? What do you mean?” queried the Captain.
“Well,” replied Homes, “I was simply recalling to mind the old Biblical injunction: ‘Let him who has never seined cast the first clone’.”
This was written by Robert Brodie and Dave Galerstein.
It was first published in Plugs & Dottles, Issue #160, January, 1992.
Matthew 22:14 [SHPUN292]
In December of ‘86, my wife having left to visit an ailing friend, I returned briefly to the old lodgings in Baker Street I had so long shared with Sherlock Holmes. A chill wind howled through the deserted streets and Winter rain beat a heavy tattoo on the window pane as Holmes and I sat before a cheery fire reading the morning papers. Languor slowly crept over me, and I was on the verge of nodding off when an article suddenly caught my eye.
“I say, Holmes,” I remarked. “have you seen the announcement of the January footrace in honour of the Queen’s Jubilee? Surely the heavy clothing they will be compelled to wear in this frightful weather will chafe, and there will be constant danger of hypothermia”.
“I shouldn’t worry.” replied Holmes. “As you well know, though many are galled few ar