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AuthorHouse - Pastor Louis Adams

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47 pages

English

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This book reveals the story of a man that stands when all odds are against him, a near death experience that will change your life, and a reality of Christianity that will slap you in the face!

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Publié par	AuthorHouse
Date de parution	11 avril 2005
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781452033587
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0300€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Diary of a Shattered Spirit

Written By Pastor Louis Adams

© 2005 Pastor Louis Adams. All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 03/10/05

ISBN: 1-4208-3540-8 (sc)

Printed in the United States of America
Bloomington, Indiana

This book is printed on acid-free paper.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 “Who Can I Talk To?”
Chapter 2 “Great Child Is He”
Chapter 3 “The Locker Room”
Chapter 4 “Will You Yield”
Chapter 5 “Not The Man!”
Chapter 6 “They Will See!”
Chapter 7 Then I’ll Bless You
Chapter 8 “Shattered Pieces”
Chapter 9 “Free Me Oh Lord”
Chapter 10 “Stand”
Chapter 11 “Numbness”
Chapter 12 “Silent Hatred”
Chapter 13 The Moment Before the Great “Deception”
Chapter 14 “The Butterfly”
Chapter 15 “Who Could Love Me?”
Chapter 16 “Victory Has Occurred”
Dedication
About the Author
Chapter 1 “Who Can I Talk To?”
Due to the present state of the world and the influences that the world have on the church today, we find that many people cannot trust their spiritual leaders enough to seek proper counseling on deep inner personal issues. The mentality of the world have some how crept into the church giving us “the body” of Christ a insensitive attitude for the struggles facing our fellow believers in the Lord. We have begun to pick up more of our lives and less of the crucified life of Jesus Christ. We sometimes take on a “holier than thou” judgmental attitude making it virtually impossible to council with us. How quick do we forget that we were once blind and through the cleansing power of the blood of Jesus we can now see. I found myself asking this question over and over again. Who Can I Talk To?
As I often sometimes reflect back on a day that my life was changed forever, I never regret the trials that I endured as a child. It all started with one trip to the neighborhood carnival. I was always captivated with the chasing lights, candy apples, popcorn, games, prizes, teddy bears & animals. Even the screams of people enjoying themselves as they rode together on the various carnival rides excited me. Like any other 7-year-old child, I loved to have fun on my big sisters expense. One day my dream came true, to visit the carnival up the street in the plaza from my house. I was ecstatic and ready to venture into the world of Fun. My heart was set on playing games and winning prizes, but my sister had learned from our previous visit when we arrived with 150.00 and exited with 50 cents. That taught her the meaning of wisdom when caring for an excited energetic 7-year-old child at a carnival.
The day we entered into the carnival, I could remember people were all around enjoying themselves. There was a man there offering to take all the kids for a free ride on the Ferris wheel. The offer sounded good, besides kids cannot resist a free carnival ride. My sister and her friend were watching the other children play games as I got in line to ride the Ferris wheel. The crowd was getting more aggressive in laughs, screams and excitement to the rides. By that time, other adults had consented to allow for their children to partake in this free ride.
In all the excitement of the fun and games I begged my sister to let me ride. It was my turn. As I ventured off into my seat I felt a rush of adrenaline. I was so excited about the ride. The bars locked us in and the wheel began to move. Round and Round I went caught up in the excitement of the ride. The nice man that I was sitting next to in the seat began to talk to me. He began to tell me how cute I was and suddenly I felt his hands on my chest rubbing against my chest. He started telling me that I was going to make someone a very special friend. He then began moving his hands between my little legs and then onto my thighs. As the ride came to an end, I exited quickly. I began to think to myself “What Happened’ & “Why was he doing that to me?” At that moment I felt feelings that I could not explain. As he rubbed his hand over my chest, I felt his hands going in a circular motion as he touched the mid to upper parts of my chest area. I continued to feel awkward as he took his hand and pressed the mid section between my legs and thighs. During all of this, he took advantage of the times that the Ferris wheel rose high enough to escape the view of the adults below watching others on the ride. He continued to pull me towards him and then kissed me on the left side of my face close to the corner of my mouth.
I didn’t have words to explain my experience on the Ferris wheel, all I knew is that I was put in an awkward position. That was the first of many incidents to change my life forever!
The memory of that day is so fresh in my mind. It was just like yesterday that I was a little red headed child with an Afro playing in the dirt with my brother chuck. For so long, I searched to find something within that would make me feel special. I searched and searched for confidence. The confidence to be me, and to re-discover myself. The strength to heal, rebuild and start over again. I was so empty. And there was nothing that I could do in my own power to feel whole.
My confidence level went down the drain. As a little child I began to become standoffish, alone, and deeply depressed. This was an open door for many other factors to manifest in my life such as, self-hate, depression, and lack of self-control. Is it possible to be living and dead at the same time? I was alive, I was walking and talking, but my insides were like dead mans bones. I became a lonely and disoriented wandering soul. Searching for love and acceptance in all of the wrong places.
As a child I felt alone. I was in a state of withdrawal. I didn’t find it fun to do what little kids my age did. I wanted to just go away and for everyone to just leave me alone. What I didn’t realize is that I indeed had a family that loved and accepted me, and a God that loves me. I think that we all in life go through a time when our life is tried by the fire. This may be a life lesson that comes earlier for some and later for others. No one can ever tell what he or she is going to go through in life. We just pray that the trials that we go through, that God will carry us through them every step of the way.
I did not understand then what I do now. The way I felt, the way my body reacted to the spirit in that man and the way he touched me did not have to lead me to the path of self-destruction. But somehow, it did. So many young people have experienced similar situations in life as children and it still haunts them through their adult lives. A unclean spirit seems to enter in at that moment in your childhood to attempt to persuade you that maybe this is what life is suppose to be like. Even though my parents taught me right, I somehow felt that I needed more love and affection. And it didn’t matter whom the love and affection came from. I know that this is a twisted way of thinking, but that is what I battled with for so long, after that incident, which was the first of many!
One day at a crusade in Downtown Atlanta, I began to share this testimony to a room full of men. As I began to share of how God brought me through it, many were brought to tears. After the service, many men came to me in tears and confessing that they had been a victim as a child and that they could identify with my testimony. It’s something about men that we put up walls of steel all around us. We are afraid to discuss how we feel inside. Therefore we cannot get deliverance. We don’t want others to see us cry.
Society has plagued the male species by making us think that it is not manly to cry, open up, or share our innermost feelings, thoughts and desires with anyone. Many of the guys that night told me that they have sought counseling but they seem to not be able to connect with the Pastors & Ministers in today’s society. Well, I can understand that. I have heard Pastors crack jokes about men & women struggling with their sexuality. I have heard them being ridiculed and called various names. Under those circumstances, it will be very hard to trust your innermost feelings with anyone. I pray that leaders will be sensitive to the hurts, struggles and needs of today’s society. It only takes one wrong word to send a soul into a downward spiral of destruction. God please anoint our ears to hear the hearts of the people and anoint our mouths to speak words of strength and encouragement to all, no matter what their struggle is, or walk of life that they come from!
Chapter 2 “Great Child Is He”
In a world so full of darkness I stand The light of Jesus Christ struggles to transcend through the sin in my very being
Clothed in unrighteousness my spirit is enclosed Longing to be free to unite with it’s master, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
Crying “I don’t want to live this way!” my spirit speaks The Lord extending his hands sayings “My child, You shall rejoice!