Just an Average American Joe Vs. the World , livre ebook

Xlibris US - Robert N. D’Ambola , Neil J. Welks

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152 pages

English

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Joe was just your average, ordinary guy. He always knew that he was one lucky individual to having had beat the odds of being born in the greatest country on the planet. Out of the more than 30 million births, in the year of Joe, only 4 million were fortunate to have been born in America and, thank God, half of them were girls. Joe came to learn that he lived in the home of the free because of the brave that came before him, like his hard-charging Marine Corps Dad. He greatly appreciated that the Constitution of the United States afforded him certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. He fully understood that this happiness was not a guarantee but he was welcome to pursue it. Joe grew up with an All-American work ethic that promised: if you rolled up your sleeves and worked hard, there was nothing you could not accomplish. The Constitution is one of the all-time greatest documents of all time but it did not make any promises that there would be no obstacles or pain along the road for your pursuit of that dream of happiness. Joe knew first hand what blood, sweat, and tears meant. He never looked for a participation trophy and realized, at a young age, that he was not entitled to anything he didn’t work for. He was willing to go full bore towards his goals and meet obstacles head on, which never were in short supply. He never went out looking for trouble but it always managed to find him. This is the story of an average American Joe verses the world as he encountered extraordinary experiences.

Sujets

Average Joe

Short Stories

Fiction

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Publié par	Xlibris US
Date de parution	10 mai 2023
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781669870883
Langue	English

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Just an Average American Joe vs. The World

Neil J. Welks & Robert N. D’Ambola

Copyright © 2023 by Neil J. Welks & Robert N. D’Ambola.

Library of Congress Control Number:
2023905037
ISBN:
Hardcover
978-1-6698-7090-6

Softcover
978-1-6698-7089-0

eBook
978-1-6698-7088-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 05/09/2023

Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
852058
CONTENTS
Dedication
Forward
Disclaimer
1JOE
2The Bear
3Junior Mechanic
4First Taste
5The Fork
6Follow the Yellow Brick Road
7Location, Location, Location
8Fly the Friendly Skies
9Kicking the Habit
10Go Fish
11A New Beginning
12Getting to the Finish Line is Half the Fun
13The Missing Links
14The Tree from Which the Apple Fell
15The Toughest One of the Clan
16Pay Me Now or Pay Me Later
17The Offer I Had to Refuse
18The Need for Speed
19Pretty Workman
20Keep Rolling
21No One Puts Baby in the Corner
22The Big Boy Book of Bad Things
23Payment is Due
24The Liberty Birds
25Armifuckingdilly
26The Local Gardener
27Edison’s Nightmare
28Pranks
29I’m in Good Shape for the Shape I’m In
30Dog Daze
Dedication
If the outrageous things you are about to read in this book were actually true and actually happened, then I would be obligated to dedicate this book to my wife, but the word “would” is a gross understatement. I am dedicating this book to my wife because honestly, that would be the least I could do, after what I may (or may not) have put her through. My wife is truly the best person I have ever known. She has stood shoulder to shoulder with me in the good times and in too many bad times. She has never blinked. She has always been my rock. I am the luckiest man alive to have her as my wife and as my best friend. We both have sacrificed too many hours apart to build the life that we now have together. I would not have changed a thing.
Now here comes the part where I thank everyone for helping to make this book possible. At the top of the list is Robert D’Ambola. Rob and I have been friends for over sixty years. I have been telling him my tales for decades, and he kept saying that I should write this shit down (WTSD) because no one would believe that this much fucked-up crap could possibly happen to one person. He finally convinced me to do it.
There is, of course, my family who somehow managed to tolerate me for all these many years. My wife and I have gathered numerous close friends who we are so fortunate to have in our lives. They are a great group of people who have remained friends even after I tortured them with my practical jokes. We sure have had a great time with you guys.
I would be remiss if I left out the editors of this gibberish, Mary and Cindy. You guys made this rambling nonsense coherent and actually appear plausible. I almost believe this shit actually happened.
Last , but not least, I would like to thank my parents, two very tough individuals. I learned plenty of life’s lessons from them, inherited some good traits and probably more bad traits than should normally be allowed to be passed down a generation. The best thing I got from them was their love of animals, specifically dogs. I grew up with Great Danes and never lost my love for that breed.
This is a story about an average American Joe who worked hard and tried harder to follow the rules even when they went against him; about a guy who fought for every inch of his place in the world. If I could afford to buy the rights to the song MY Way , written by Paul Anka and made famous by Frank Sinatra, I would have printed it here as my very own personal theme song. Since I couldn’t afford it, it is up to you to hum it I your head.

Forward
There have been many famous and infamous couples throughout history. There were tales of Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid who robbed banks. Not to be out done, there was that adorable twosome, Bonnie and Clyde, who had the equivalent occupation. It didn’t end well for either pair. There have been famous royal duos such as, Queen Elizabeth II and her husband, not King but a Duke, Prince Philip. There have been numerous singing duos, Sonny and Cher, The Carpenters, The Judds, Simon and Garfunkel, and Martin and Lewis. It didn’t end well for them either. There have been famous acting duos, Shrek and Donkey, Wayne and Garth, Abbott and Costello, Thelma and Louise (forget I mentioned Thelma and Louise).
I have been half of a couple for close to half a century that was neither famous nor infamous. It was, however, interesting as hell. I was so close to my partner you might say I was the flip side of a two-sided coin. Sometimes the world would flip us in the air for sport to see how we would land. Often we would hit the hard surface and continue to spin, defying all laws of physics, and refuse to fall on our side, so no official call could be made as to heads or tails. That is how we survived. We defied all odds and kept on spinning. The Eagles summed it up best in their song, Love Will Keep Us A live.
My partner and I were made for each other. We checked. No one else would have signed up for this crazy life. I was the calmer of the two but that didn’t stop me from acting as the willing accomplice and significant sidekick participant to his insane antics. I may have even tweaked his dastardly plots on an occasion so that they had better flow which added more to the production value.
They say that Ginger Rogers could do everything that Fred Astaire could do, only she did it backwards while wearing high heels. You bet your ass I could keep up with my partner, but I left the heavy lifting to Joe. He was truly a master at his craft, being a Class A Ball Buster. He was also an expert at his work and a perfectionist. That in itself was a recipe for disaster. He believed that a dirty deed worth doing was worth doing well. Simply put, he did it well. Not only did Joe make more friends than any normal person should be allowed to have, he remained friends with them even after he tortured them with his pranks.
Make no mistake. This is a love story. It is about the love of Country. The love of family. The love of friends. The love of a craft and the pride in one’s own skills. And, of course, the love of man’s best friend. If this had been a true story (boy could I tell you stories), but I will let Joe handle that one.
M
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all names, characters, businesses, places, events, locations, pets and incidents are either the product of the authors’ disturbed imaginations or used in a fictitious manner to sell a ton of books and allow these two morons to retire in a manner they sorely deserve. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, mostly dead, not feeling peachy, or, actual events (which there were none), is purely coincidental—yes that’s it—coincidental. Let’s go with that one. We have tried to recreate events, locations and conversations from our memories even though this is a work of pure fiction and these supposed events and/or conversations could never have taken place at locations that never existed. In order to maintain the anonymity of these non-persons, in some instances, we have changed the names of individuals and places that have never existed, we may have changed some identifying characteristics and details such as physical properties, occupations and places of residence that also never existed. This book is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. Why the Fuck would you assume that? This is a book about a guy named Joe. Why do you always think everything is about you? Get over yourself already! The reader, that means you, should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to (his/her/their/other) health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention. That is just common sense. The information in this book is meant to supplement, not replace, proper (name your sport and golf is not really a sport) training, because this book has nothing to do with exercise or sports. Apparently you bought the wrong book! If you hurry maybe you can get your money back if you held on to the receipt. Otherwise, use it as a Secret Santa gift to unload it on some other unsuspecting soul. Like any sport involving speed, equipment, balance and environmental factors, EVERYTHING poses some inherent risk. That is called life. For God’s sake it is dangerous to breathe in some cities. The authors advise readers to take full responsibility for their own safety and know their limits. Before practicing the skills described in this book (whic