A Humorous Erotica Collection , livre ebook

4 Horsemen Publications, Inc. - Chastity Veldt

Découvre YouScribe en t'inscrivant gratuitement

Je m'inscris

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

194 pages

English

Vous pourrez modifier la taille du texte de cet ouvrage

Obtenez un accès à la bibliothèque pour le consulter en ligne
En savoir plus

A propos
Informations
Extrait

Description

Jake Nilsen is a touring stand up comic with a penchant for one-liners and one-night stands.

In this 8-book collection, Jake travels from Milwaukee to Jacksonville where he meets fifteen beautiful women and tickles more than just their funny bones. Experience sexual conquests like nothing before as each city leaves fond and fondling memories of ladies like Lydia, Alyssa, Carrie, and even Molly!

Readers looking for puns and naughty humor will find the Stand Up, Lie Down set tantalizing and entertaining. Yoga instructors, book sellers, artists, professors, and bartenders are on the menu as Jake travels from one club to the next facing the club managers, swapping sex stories with his wingman Curtis, tripping in his old pick up truck, and enjoying the occasional fourth wall break.

Sujets

Erotica

Fiction

Informations

Publié par	4 Horsemen Publications, Inc.
Date de parution	15 mai 2023
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781644508213
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	1 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0350€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Extrait

Table o f Contents
Molly in Milwaukee
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Irene in In dianapolis
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Lydia in Louisville
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Natasha in Nashville
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Alyssa in Atlanta
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Betty in Birmingham
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Carrie on Campus (XTC Crossover)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Jackie in Ja cksonville
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Book Club Questions
Chas tity Veldt

A Humorous Erotica Co llection
Copyright © 2023 Chasty Veldts. All rights re served.

4 Horsemen Publication s, Inc.
1497 Main St. S uite 169
Dunedin, FL 34698
4horsemenpublicat ions.com
info@4horsemenpublicat ions.com
Cover & Typesetting by Aut umn Skye
Edited by 4 Horsemen Publicatio ns, Inc.
All rights to the work within are reserved to the author and publisher. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 International Copyright Act, without prior written permission except in brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Please contact either the Publisher or Author to gain per mission.
This is a work of fiction. All characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used ficti tiously.
Library of Congress Control Number: 20 23930655
Paperback ISBN-13: 978-1-644 50-820-6
Audiobook ISBN-13: 978-1-644 50-822-0
Ebook ISBN-13: 978-1-644 50-821-3

Chapter 1
J ake Nilsen parked his truck in front of Pretzel’s Comedy Club on a Wednesday afternoon and slammed the door, thinking, Shit, you’re not supposed to start a story this way. He locked the door with a key fob. Oh well, what are you gonna do?
Jake looked at his watch: 12:30. He opened the door to Pretzel’s and stood for a moment, letting his eyes adjust to the dim lighting.
“We’re closed,” came a woman’s voice from behin d the bar.
“Really? I thought there was a matinee,” said Jake.
“No, we don’t really do matinees at a comedy club,” said the woman.
“I— I know,” said Jake. “I was just kidding.”
The woman laughed. “That’s funny. You should be a comedian.”
“I am, actually. My name is Jake Nilsen, and I’m the middle this weekend.”
“Oh! My name is Randie,” said the woman. “Randie Sanders.” She reached across the bar and shook his hand.
She had long, slender fingers, and Jake was careful not to squeeze too tightly. Randie looked admiringly at his slender waist and broad shoulders, and she could just about make out that little valley between his pectorals in his form-fitting t-shirt. Jake ran his fingers through his hair with his left hand as he waited for her to let go. Randie’s nostrils flared slightly as her gaze traveled up and down his 6’ 2” frame, lingering on his fla t stomach.
Jake smiled. “Randie Sanders? I’ll bet that’s easy for people to remember.”
“No, why?” ask ed Randie.
She was about five-foot-six and built like a long-distance runner, slender and willowy. And, as Jake quickly realized, a bit of a ditz. Randie’s shoulder-length strawberry-blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she drank him in with her big h azel eyes.
“Never mind,” said Jake. “I’m looking fo r Sherry.”
“She’s in her office. I think she’s eati ng lunch.”
Jake stared at her for a moment. “I don’t know where that is. Could you show me?”
“Oh, sorry.” Randie stepped out from behind the bar, “Follow me.” She was wearing a runner’s tank top, running shorts, and runn ing shoes.
She must be a runner , Jake thought, because he wasn’t that clev er either.
His eyes zeroed in on her slender hips and tight little ass. She turned around to make sure he was following, and Jake had to snap his gaze back up off her butt. Randie turned back and continued walking, smiling to herself, and put a little extra wiggle in her hips, putting each foot directly in front of her like she saw the models do on her favorite TV show. Jake readjusted his pants as his cock began to swell imagining the things he would love to do with, to, and for that ass.
She knocked on the office door. “Sherry, this is Jak e Nelson—”
“Nilsen, ” he said.
“Nilsen. He said he’s ou r middle.”
“Yep, until Sunday,” said Sherry. She looked at Jake then back at her sandwich. “Looks like you caught me in the middle of lunch. Do you want some?” proffering half a sandwich that only had a couple bites taken out of it.
“Er, no thanks. I just wanted to check in and let you know I was in town, and to pick up the key.”
“Oh, sure.” Sherry wiped some mayonnaise on a paper towel and fished a key out of the desk drawer. She tossed it to Jake who caught it and stuffed it in h is pocket.
Randie followed his hand and stared at his crotch. Shit, is that his dick or is he just happy to see me? sh e thought.
Sherry continued, “Randie can take you to the club apartment. It’s a block down the street over a taco joint. You’ve got the place to yourself this weekend. The opener’s a local, and the headliner demanded a hotel. Fucking prima-donna-d ouchebag.”
“I’d better take a couple of towels for him,” sa id Randie.
She turned and squeezed past Jake, who was standing in the doorway, grinding her ass against his crotch. She grabbed some towels from a cabinet and squeezed past him again, sliding her nylon-clad ass along his crotch one more time. Jake kegeled his dick and made it jump, which made Randie gasp a little. She turned and gave h im a wink.
“I’ll show you the way,” she said, smiling a little and looking down at h is crotch.
“Jesus, get a room, you two,” said Sherry, returning to her sandwich.

“. . . And the bathroom’s over there, and you can choose whichever bedroom you like.” Randie was just wrapping up the tour of the club’s apartment, so Jake picked a bedroom and dropped his duffel bag onto the queen- sized bed.
Many comedy clubs provide an apartment for their out-of-town comics to stay in while they’re working at the club. Some club apartments are real shit-holes, but this one was a decent looking place, and Jake said so. They were standing in the kitchen, Jake leaning against the bar that separated the kitchen from the li ving room.
“Thank you. This is one of my responsibilities for the club, making sure the place stays nice. And anyone who fucks that up doesn’t get invited back later. So keep it clean, buster,” she said, poking him in the chest with each syllable. “Wow, you really are strong,” she said, and ran her hand over his chest muscles then his shoulders.
“Well, I run a lot and work out when I can. I used to be a swimmer in college and I still do that a few times a week when I can fin d a pool.”
Randie stepped closer, still squeezing his arms, and running her hands over his chest. “I’ll bet you have to be careful when you squeeze a wo man, huh?”
Jake encircled her in his arms, crushing her to his chest. “I’ll be careful, ” he said.
He leaned down and turned her face up toward him, pressing his lips lightly to hers, then a little harder as she freed her arms and wrapped them around her neck. Her tongue slipped between his lips and slid over his, exploring his mouth with the thoroughness of a blin d dentist.
Jake slowly slid his hand down and cupped Randie’s ass, massaging it slightly, and drew her closer. She pushed up against his swelling cock and began to breathe heavily as he kissed and licked her neck, flicking his tongue int o her ear.
“Oh, God,” she breathed. She rubbed his cock through his jeans, stroking up and down, trying to feel the outline of it through the denim. “Oh my God, that thing is huge.”
Jake began to tug at her tank top, lifting it up. Randie raised up her arms to help him finish. She took off her sports bra as he peeled off his t-shirt. He began to massage her small-but-full tits and lightly squeezed her nipples. Randie moaned and began to kiss him again, enjoying the sensation of her naked skin on his. Jake continued to massage one of her breasts, even as he held her tight ly to him.
She reached back down and began to fumble with the button and zipper on his jeans. Randie slid his pants down and his cock sprang out, all eight-and-a-half inches pointing straight at her. (Jake measured it when he was in college. All guys measure it. Don’t let them lie to you about that.) She reached down, wrapped her long fingers around the shaft, and began stroking it. Her hands were a little cold and Jake gasped at the pleasure of cold fingers on his hot meat.
“I don’t know if I can get all this in my mouth,” she said, stroking it with both hands, “but I’ll sure try.” She spit on one of her hands to provide some lu brication.
Jake started to slide his hand down her shorts, but she grabbed his wrist. “Uh-uh. You can’t fuck me, I have a b oyfriend.”
“Alright,” he said, wondering at her logic, “but do you want me to make you come?”
“Yes, please,” she groaned, releasing his wrist; he began to rub her pussy with his midd le finger.
“Oh,” she moaned. “Ohhhh. Oh fuck, that’s so good.”
Jake turned her around and together they slid off her running shorts before pulling her back against him, his cock resting in the cr