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132 pages

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Collected here are a number of short stories by the popular American writer George Barr McCutcheon (1866-1928). McCutcheon is best known for his novels set the fictional Eastern European state of Graustark, and for his novel Brewster's Millions which became a 1985 film starring Richard Pryor and John Candy. The included stories are: "Her Weight in Gold", "The Maid and the Blade", "Mr. Hamshaw's Love Affair", "The Green Ruby", "The Gloaming Ghosts", "When Girl meets Girl", "Quiddlers Three", "The Late Mr. Taylor" and "The Ten Dollar Bill" "Well the question is: how much does she weigh?" asked Eddie Ten Eyck with satirical good humour. His somewhat flippant inquiry followed the heated remark of General Horatio Gamble, who, in desperation, had declared that his step- daughter, Martha, was worth her weight in gold. "I am not jesting, sir," said the General with asperity. "Martha may not be as good-looking as - er - some girls that I've seen, but she is a jewel, just the same. The man who gets her for a wife will be a blamed sight luckier than the fellows who marry the brainless little fools we see trotting around like butterflies." (It was the first time that Eddie had heard of trotting butterflies.) "She's a fine girl," was his conciliatory remark. "She is pure gold," said the General with conviction. "Pure gold, sir." "A nugget," agreed Eddie expansively. "A hundred and eighty pound nugget, General. Why don't you send her to a refinery?"

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Short story

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Publié par	The Floating Press
Date de parution	01 juin 2009
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781775415435
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0134€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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HER WEIGHT IN GOLD
* * *
GEORGE BARR MCCUTCHEON

*

Her Weight in Gold From a 1914 edition.
ISBN 978-1-775415-43-5
© 2009 THE FLOATING PRESS.
While every effort has been used to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information contained in The Floating Press edition of this book, The Floating Press does not assume liability or responsibility for any errors or omissions in this book. The Floating Press does not accept responsibility for loss suffered as a result of reliance upon the accuracy or currency of information contained in this book. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Many suitcases look alike.
Visit www.thefloatingpress.com
Contents
*
Her Weight in Gold The Maid and the Blade Mr. Hamshaw's Love Affair The Green Ruby The Gloaming Ghosts When Girl Meets Girl Quiddlers Three The Late Mr. Taylor The Ten Dollar Bill
Her Weight in Gold
*
"Well the question is: how much does she weigh?" asked Eddie Ten Eyckwith satirical good humour.
His somewhat flippant inquiry followed the heated remark of GeneralHoratio Gamble, who, in desperation, had declared that his step-daughter, Martha, was worth her weight in gold.
The General was quite a figure in the town of Essex. He was thepresident of the Town and Country Club and, besides owning a splendidstud, was also the possessor of a genuine Gainsborough, picked up atthe shop of an obscure dealer in antiques in New York City for aridiculously low price (two hundred dollars, it has been said), andwhich, according to a rumour started by himself, was worth a hundredthousand if it was worth a dollar, although he contrived to keep thesecret from the ears of the county tax collector. He had married latein life, after accumulating a fortune that no woman could despise, andof late years had taken to frequenting the Club with a far greaterassiduity than is customary in most presidents.
Young Mr. Ten Eyck's sarcasm was inspired by a mind's-eye picture ofMiss Martha Gamble. To quote Jo Grigsby, she was "so plain that allcomparison began and ended with her." Without desiring to appearungallant, I may say that there were many homely young women in Essex;but each of them had the delicate satisfaction of knowing that Marthawas incomparably her superior in that respect.
"I am not jesting, sir," said the General with asperity. "Martha maynot be as good-looking as—er—some girls that I've seen, but she is ajewel, just the same. The man who gets her for a wife will be a blamedsight luckier than the fellows who marry the brainless little fools wesee trotting around like butterflies." (It was the first time thatEddie had heard of trotting butterflies.)
"She's a fine girl," was his conciliatory remark.
"She is pure gold," said the General with conviction. "Pure gold,sir."
"A nugget," agreed Eddie expansively. "A hundred and eighty poundnugget, General. Why don't you send her to a refinery?"
The General merely glared at him and subsided into thoughtful silence.He was in the habit of falling into deep spells of abstraction at suchtimes as this. For the life of him, he couldn't understand how Marthacame by her excessive plainness. Her mother was looked upon as abeautiful woman and her father (the General's predecessor) had been aman worth looking at, even from a successor's point of view. ThatMartha should have grown up to such appalling ugliness was a source ofwonder, not only to the General, but to Mrs. Gamble herself.
Young Mr. Ten Eyck was the most impecunious spendthrift in Essex. Helived by his wits, with which he was more generously endowed thananything in the shape of gold or precious jewels. His raiment wasaccumulative. His spending-money came to him through an allowance thathis grandmother considerately delivered to him at regular periods, butas is the custom with such young men he was penniless before thequarter was half over. At all times he was precariously close to beingsubmerged by his obligations. Yet trouble sat lightly upon his head,if one were to judge by outward appearances. Beneath a bland, care-free exterior, however, there lurked in Edward's bosom a perpetualpang of distress over the financial situation.
What worried him most was the conviction that all signs pointed towardthe suspension of credit in places where he owed money, and, Young Mr.Ten Eyck's sarcasm was inspired by a mind's-eye picture of Miss MarthaGamble. To quote Jo Grigsby, she was "so plain that all comparisonbegan and ended with her." Without desiring to appear ungallant, I maysay that there were many homely young women in Essex; but each of themhad the delicate satisfaction of knowing that Martha was incomparablyher superior in that respect.
"I am not jesting, sir," said the General with asperity. "Martha maynot be as good-looking as—er—some girls that I've seen, but she is ajewel, just the same. The man who gets her for a wife will be a blamedsight luckier than the fellows who marry the brainless little fools wesee trotting around like butterflies." (It was the first time thatEddie had heard of trotting butterflies.)
"She's a fine girl," was his conciliatory remark.
"She is pure gold," said the General with conviction. "Pure gold,sir."
"A nugget," agreed Eddie expansively. "A hundred and eighty poundnugget, General. Why don't you send her to a refinery?"
The General merely glared at him and subsided into thoughtful silence.He was in the habit of falling into deep spells of abstraction at suchtimes as this. For the life of him, he couldn't understand how Marthacame by her excessive plainness. Her mother was looked upon as abeautiful woman and her father (the General's predecessor) had been aman worth looking at, even from a successor's point of view. ThatMartha should have grown up to such appalling ugliness was a source ofwonder, not only to the General, but to Mrs. Gamble herself.
Young Mr. Ten Eyck was the most impecunious spendthrift in Essex. Helived by his wits, with which he was more generously endowed thananything in the shape of gold or precious jewels. His raiment wasaccumulative. His spending-money came to him through an allowance thathis grandmother considerately delivered to him at regular periods, butas is the custom with such young men he was penniless before thequarter was half over. At all times he was precariously close to beingsubmerged by his obligations. Yet trouble sat lightly upon his head,if one were to judge by outward appearances. Beneath a bland, care-free exterior, however, there lurked in Edward's bosom a perpetualpang of distress over the financial situation.
What worried him most was the conviction that all signs pointed towardthe suspension of credit in places where he owed money, and, as heowed without discrimination, the future seemed hard to contemplate.
Prudent mothers stood defiantly between him and what might have beenprosperity. He could win the hearts of daughters with shamefulregularity and ease, but he could not delude the heads of the familiesto which they belonged. They knew him well and wisely.
The conversation between him and General Gamble took place in thereading-room of the Town and Country Club. There was a small tablebetween them, and glasses.
"What is the market price of gold to-day, General?" asked Eddieimpudently, after he had watched the old man's gloomy countenance outof the corner of his eye for the matter of three minutes or more.
The General regarded him with deep scorn. "Gold? What do you knowabout gold? You seldom see anything more precious than copper."
"That's no joke," agreed Eddie with his frank smile. "I am the only,original penny limit. That reminds me, General. I meant to speak of itbefore, but somehow it slipped my mind. Could you lend me—"
The General held up his hand. "I've been waiting for that, Eddie.Don't humiliate yourself by asking for a small amount. I haven't theremotest idea how much you already owe me, but it doesn't matter inview of the fact that you'll never pay it. You were about to requestthe loan of ten dollars, my boy. Why not ask for a respectableamount?—say, fifty dollars."
Eddie's heart leaped. "That's just the amount I meant to ask you tolet me have for a week or two. 'Pon my word, it is."
"Well," said the General, taking a notebook from his pocket andcarefully jotting down an entry with his gold-tipped pencil, "Icheerfully give it to you, Eddie. I shall credit your account withthat amount. Fifty dollars—um! It is a new system I have concluded toadopt. Every time you ask me for a loan I shall subtract the amountfrom what you already owe me. In time, you see, the whole debt will belifted,—and you'll not owe me a cent." Eddie blinked. A slow grincrept into his face as he grasped the irony in the General's scheme.
"Fine financing, General. It suits me to a dot. By the way, do youthink you can spare another hundred or two?"
"The books are closed for the month," said the General placidly. Herang the bell on the table. "More ice, boy, and the same bottle. As Iwas saying, Eddie, I can't for the life of me see why you fellows areso blind when it comes to Martha. She is—"
"We are not blind," interrupted Eddie, not at all annoyed by hisfailure to negotiate the loan. "That's just the trouble. If a blindman came along, I've no doubt he could see something attractive inher."
"Damme! If she were my own daughter, I'd thrash you for that remark,sir."
"If she were your own daughter, you wouldn't be discussing her with ahigh-ball in your hand."
The General coughed. "Ahem! Eddie, I'd give a good deal to see thatgirl married. Leave the bottle on the table, boy. She will have money—a lot of it—one of these days. There are dozens of young men that weknow who'd do 'most anything for money. I—By George!" He broke off tostare with glittering eyes at the face of the young man opposite. Agreat thought was expanding in his brain.
Eddie shifted nervously. "Why are you looking at me like that? I don'tneed it that badly."
"I'd never thought of you, Eddie,—'pon my w