Mr. Dooley in Peace and in War , livre ebook

Pub One Info - Peter Dunne Finley

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86 pages

English

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Archey Road stretches back for many miles from the heart of an ugly city to the cabbage gardens that gave the maker of the seal his opportunity to call the city urbs in horto. Somewhere between the two - that is to say, forninst th' gas-house and beyant Healey's slough and not far from the polis station - lives Martin Dooley, doctor of philosophy.

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Publié par	Pub One Info
Date de parution	23 octobre 2010
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9782819902591
Langue	English

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0100€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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PREFACE.
Archey Road stretches back for many miles from theheart of an ugly city to the cabbage gardens that gave the maker ofthe seal his opportunity to call the city "urbs in horto."Somewhere between the two – that is to say, forninst th' gas-houseand beyant Healey's slough and not far from the polis station –lives Martin Dooley, doctor of philosophy.
There was a time when Archey Road was purely Irish.But the Huns, turned back from the Adriatic and the stock-yards andoverrunning Archey Road, have nearly exhausted the originalpopulation, – not driven them out as they drove out less vigorousraces, with thick clubs and short spears, but edged them out withthe more biting weapons of modern civilization, – overworked andunder-eaten them into more languid surroundings remote from thetanks of the gas-house and the blast furnaces of therolling-mill.
But Mr. Dooley remains, and enough remain with himto save the Archey Road. In this community you can hear all thevarious accents of Ireland, from the awkward brogue of the"far-downer" to the mild and aisy Elizabethan English of thesouthern Irishman, and all the exquisite variations to be heardbetween Armagh and Bantry Bay, with the difference that wouldnaturally arise from substituting cinders and sulphuretted hydrogenfor soft misty air and peat smoke. Here also you can see the wakesand christenings, the marriages and funerals, and the other fêtesof the ol' counthry somewhat modified and darkened by Americanusage. The Banshee has been heard many times in Archey Road. On theeve of All Saints' Day it is well known that here alone the pookiesplay thricks in cabbage gardens. In 1893 it was reported thatMalachi Dempsey was called "by the other people," and disappearedwest of the tracks, and never came back.
A simple people! "Simple, says ye!" remarked Mr.Dooley. "Simple like th' air or th' deep sea. Not complicated likea watch that stops whin th' shoot iv clothes ye got it with wearsout. Whin Father Butler wr-rote a book he niver finished, he saidsimplicity was not wearin' all ye had on ye'er shirt-front, like atin-horn gambler with his di'mon' stud. An' 'tis so."
The barbarians around them are moderately but firmlygoverned, encouraged to passionate votings for the ruling race, butrestrained from the immoral pursuit of office.
The most generous, thoughtful, honest, and chastepeople in the world are these friends of Mr. Dooley, – knowing andinnocent; moral, but giving no heed at all to patented politicalmoralities.
Among them lives and prospers the traveller,archæologist, historian, social observer, saloon-keeper, economist,and philosopher, who has not been out of the ward for twenty-fiveyears "but twict." He reads the newspapers with solemn care,heartily hates them, and accepts all they print for the sake ofdrowning Hennessy's rising protests against his logic. From thecool heights of life in the Archey Road, uninterrupted by thejarring noises of crickets and cows, he observes the passing show,and meditates thereon. His impressions are transferred to thedesensitized plate of Mr. Hennessy's mind, where they can do noharm. "There's no betther place to see what's goin' on thin theAr-rchey Road," says Mr. Dooley. "Whin th' ilicthric cars ishummin' down th' sthreet an' th' blast goin' sthrong at th' mills,th' noise is that gr-reat ye can't think."
He is opulent in good advice, as becomes a man ofhis station; for he has mastered most of the obstacles in abusiness career, and by leading a prudent and temperate life hasestablished himself so well that he owns his own house andfurniture, and is only slightly behind on his license. It would beindelicate to give statistics as to his age. Mr. Hennessy says hewas a "grown man whin th' pikes was out in forty-eight, an' I washedge-high, an' I'm near fifty-five." Mr. Dooley says Mr. Hennessyis eighty. He closes discussion on his own age with the remark,"I'm old enough to know betther." He has served his country withdistinction. His conduct of the important office of captain of hisprecinct (1873-75) was highly commended, and there was some talk ofnominating him for alderman. At the expiration of his term he waspersonally thanked by the Hon. M. McGee, at one time a member ofthe central committee. But the activity of public life was unsuitedto a man of Mr. Dooley's tastes; and, while he continues to viewthe political situation always with interest and sometimes withalarm, he has resolutely declined to leave the bar for the forum.His early experience gave him wisdom in discussing public affairs."Politics," he says, "ain't bean bag. 'Tis a man's game; an' women,childher, an' pro-hybitionists'd do well to keep out iv it." Againhe remarks, "As Shakespeare says, 'Ol' men f'r th' council, youngmen f'r th' ward.'"
An attempt has been made in this book to givepermanent form to a few of the more characteristic and important ofMr. Dooley's utterances. For permission to reprint the articles thethanks of the editor are due to Mr. George G. Booth, of the Chicago Journal , and to Mr. Dooley's constant friend, Mr. H.H.Kohlsaat, of the Chicago Evening Post .
F. P. D.
MR. DOOLEY IN WAR
ON DIPLOMACY.
"I'll explain it to ye," said Mr. Dooley. "'Tis thisway. Ye see, this here Sagasta is a boonco steerer like CanadaBill, an' th' likes iv him. A smart man is this Sagasta, an' wanthat can put a crimp in th' ca-ards that ye cudden't take out witha washerwoman's wringer. He's been through manny a ha-ard game.Talk about th' County Dimocracy picnic, where a three-ca-ard mangoes in debt ivry time he hurls th' broads, 'tis nawthin' to whatthis here Spanish onion has been again an' beat. F'r years an'years he's played on'y profissionals. Th' la-ads he's tackled havemore marked ca-ards in their pockets thin a preacher fr'm Mitchiganan' more bad money thin ye cud shake out iv th' coat-tail pocketsiv a prosp'rous banker fr'm Injianny. He's been up again Gladstunan' Bisma-arck an' ol' what-ye-call-'im, th' Eyetalian, – hisname's got away from me, – an' he's done thim all. "Well, businessis bad. No wan will play with him. No money's comin' in. Th' circushas moved on to th' nex' town, an' left him without a customer. Th'Jew man that loaned him th' bank-roll threatens to seize th'ca-ards on' th' table. Whin, lo an' behold, down th' sthreet comesa ma-an fr'm th' counthry, – a lawyer fr'm Ohio, with a gripsack inhis hand. Oh, but he's a proud man. He's been in town long enoughf'r to get out iv th' way iv th' throlley ca-ar whin th' bellrings. He's larned not to thry an' light his see-gar at th'ilicthric light. He doesn't offer to pay th' ilivator ma-an f'rcarryin' him upstairs. He's got so he can pass a tall buildin'without thryin' f'r to turn a back summersault. An' he's as haughtyabout it as a new man on an ice-wagon. They'se nawthin' ye can tellhim. He thinks iv himsilf goin' back to Canton with a r-red necktieon, an' settin' on a cracker box an' tellin' th' lads whin theycome in fr'm pitchin' hor-rseshoes what a hot time he's had, an'how he's seen th' hootchy-kootchy an' th' Pammer House barber shop,an' th' other ondacint sights iv a gr-reat city. "An' so he comesup to where Sagasta is kind iv throwin' th' ca-ards idly on th' topiv th' bar'l, an' Sagasta pipes him out iv th' corner iv his eye,an' says to himsilf: 'Oh, I dinnaw,' an' thanks hiven f'r th' lawthat has a sucker bor-rn ivry minyit. An' th' la-ad fr'm Cantonthinks he can pick out th' Jack, an' sometimes he can an' sometimeshe can't; but th' end iv it is th' Spanyard has him thrimmed downto his chest protector, an' he'll be goin' back to Canton in ablanket. Ye see it ain't his game. If it was pitchin' hor-rseshoes,'twud be diff'rent. He cud bate Sagasta at that. He cud do him atrasslin' or chasin' th' greased pig, or in a wan-legged race or th'tug-iv-war. He cud make him look foolish at liftin' a kag iv beeror hitchin' up a team. But, whin it comes to di-plo-macy, th'Spanyard has him again th' rail, an' counts on him till his ar-rmis sore." "Why don't he tur-rn in an' fight?" demanded thepatriotic Mr. Hennessy. "Lord knows," said Mr. Dooley. "Mebbe'twill tur-rn out th' way it did with two frinds iv mine. They wasJoe Larkin an' a little r-red-headed man be th' name iv O'Brien,an' they wint out to th' picanic at Ogden's grove, where wanst ayear Ireland's freed. They was a shell ma-an wurrukin' near th'fence, an' Larkin says, says he: 'He's aisy. Lave me have somemoney, an' we'll do him. I can see th' pea go undher th' shell ivrytime.' So O'Brien bein' a hot spoort loaned him th' money, an' hewint at it. Ivry time Larkin cud see th' pea go undher th' shell asplain as day. Wanst or twict th' shell man was so careless that heleft th' pea undher th' edge iv th' shell. But in five minyits alliv O'Brien's money was in th' bad ma-an's pockits, an' he waslookin' around f'r more foolish pathrites. It took O'Brien sometime f'r to decide what to do. Thin says he, ''Twas my money thisfool blowed in.' An' he made a dash f'r th' shell ma'an; an' he noton'y got what he'd lost, but all th' r-rest iv th' capital besides.Ye see, that was his game. That was where he come in. An' he tookth' money an' carrid it over to a cor-rner iv th' gr-rounds where ala-ad had wan iv thim matcheens where ye pay tin cints f'r th'privilege iv seein' how har-rd ye can hit with a sledge-hammer, an'there he stayed till th' polis come ar-round to dhrive people offth' gr-rounds."
ON WAR PREPARATIONS
"Well," Mr. Hennessy asked, "how goes th' war?""Splendid, thank ye," said Mr. Dooley. "Fine, fine. It makes mehear-rt throb with pride that I'm a citizen iv th' Sixth Wa-ard.""Has th' ar-rmy started f'r Cuba yet?" "Wan ar-rmy, says ye?Twinty! Las' Choosdah an advance ar-rmy iv wan hundherd an' twintythousand men landed fr'm th' Gussie, with tin thousand cannonshurlin' projick-tyles weighin' eight hundherd pounds sivinteenmiles. Winsdah night a second ar-rmy iv injineers, miners,plumbers, an' lawn tinnis experts, numberin' in all four hundherd