Little Travels and Roadside Sketches , livre ebook

Pub One Info - Thackeray William Makepeace

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26 pages

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pubOne.info present you this new edition. . . . I quitted the "Rose Cottage Hotel" at Richmond, one of the comfortablest, quietest, cheapest, neatest little inns in England, and a thousand times preferable, in my opinion, to the "Star and Garter, " whither, if you go alone, a sneering waiter, with his hair curled, frightens you off the premises; and where, if you are bold enough to brave the sneering waiter, you have to pay ten shillings for a bottle of claret; and whence, if you look out of the window, you gaze on a view which is so rich that it seems to knock you down with its splendor- a view that has its hair curled like the swaggering waiter: I say, I quitted the "Rose Cottage Hotel" with deep regret, believing that I should see nothing so pleasant as its gardens, and its veal cutlets, and its dear little bowling-green, elsewhere. But the time comes when people must go out of town, and so I got on the top of the omnibus, and the carpet-bag was put inside.

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Publié par	Pub One Info
Date de parution	06 novembre 2010
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9782819943716
Langue	English

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LITTLE TRAVELS AND ROADSIDE SKETCHES
I.—FROM RICHMOND IN SURREY TO BRUSSELS INBELGIUM
. . . I quitted the “Rose Cottage Hotel” atRichmond, one of the comfortablest, quietest, cheapest, neatestlittle inns in England, and a thousand times preferable, in myopinion, to the “Star and Garter, ” whither, if you go alone, asneering waiter, with his hair curled, frightens you off thepremises; and where, if you are bold enough to brave the sneeringwaiter, you have to pay ten shillings for a bottle of claret; andwhence, if you look out of the window, you gaze on a view which isso rich that it seems to knock you down with its splendor— a viewthat has its hair curled like the swaggering waiter: I say, Iquitted the “Rose Cottage Hotel” with deep regret, believing that Ishould see nothing so pleasant as its gardens, and its vealcutlets, and its dear little bowling-green, elsewhere. But the timecomes when people must go out of town, and so I got on the top ofthe omnibus, and the carpet-bag was put inside.
If I were a great prince and rode outside of coaches(as I should if I were a great prince), I would, whether I smokedor not, have a case of the best Havanas in my pocket— not for myown smoking, but to give them to the snobs on the coach, who smokethe vilest cheroots. They poison the air with the odor of theirfilthy weeds. A man at all easy in his circumstances would sparehimself much annoyance by taking the above simple precaution.
A gentleman sitting behind me tapped me on the backand asked for a light. He was a footman, or rather valet. He had nolivery, but the three friends who accompanied him were tall men inpepper-and-salt undress jackets with a duke's coronet on theirbuttons.
After tapping me on the back, and when he hadfinished his cheroot, the gentleman produced anotherwind-instrument, which he called a “kinopium, ” a sort of trumpet,on which he showed a great inclination to play. He began puffingout of the “kinopium” a most abominable air, which he said was the“Duke's March. ” It was played by particular request of one of thepepper-and-salt gentry.
The noise was so abominable that even the coachmanobjected (although my friend's brother footmen were ravished withit), and said that it was not allowed to play toons on HIS 'bus.“Very well, ” said the valet, “WE'RE ONLY OF THE DUKE OF B— — 'SESTABLISHMENT, THAT'S ALL. ” The coachman could not resist thatappeal to his fashionable feelings. The valet was allowed to playhis infernal kinopium, and the poor fellow (the coachman), who hadlived in some private families, was quite anxious to conciliate thefootmen “of the Duke of B. 's establishment, that's all, ” and toldseveral stories of his having been groom in Captain Hoskins'sfamily, NEPHEW OF GOVERNOR HOSKINS; which stories the footmenreceived with great contempt.
The footmen were like the rest of the fashionableworld in this respect. I felt for my part that I respected them.They were in daily communication with a duke! They were not therose, but they had lived beside it. There is an odor in the Englisharistocracy which intoxicates plebeians. I am sure that anycommoner in England, though he would die rather than confess it,would have a respect for those great big hulking Duke'sfootmen.
The day before, her Grace the Duchess had passed usalone in a chariot-and-four with two outriders. What better mark ofinnate superiority could man want? Here was a slim lady whorequired four— six horses to herself, and four servants (kinopiumwas, no doubt, one of the number) to guard her.
We were sixteen inside and out, and had consequentlyan eighth of a horse apiece.
A duchess = 6, a commoner = 1/8; that is to say,
1 duchess = 48 commoners.
If I were a duchess of the present day, I would sayto the duke my noble husband, “My dearest grace, I think, when Itravel alone in my chariot from Hammersmith to London, I will notcare for the outriders. In these days, when there is so muchpoverty and so much disaffection in the country, we should noteclabousser the canaille with the sight of our preposterousprosperity. ”
But this is very likely only plebeian envy, and Idare say, if I were a lovely duchess of the realm, I would ride ina coach-and-six, with a coronet on the top of my bonnet and a robeof velvet and ermine even in the dog-days.
Alas! these are the dog-days. Many dogs are abroad—snarling dogs, biting dogs, envious dogs, mad dogs; beware ofexciting the fury of such with your flaming red velvet and dazzlingermine. It makes ragged Lazarus doubly hungry to see Dives feastingin cloth-of-gold; and so if I were a beauteous duchess . . .Silence, vain man! Can the Queen herself make you a duchess? Becontent, then, nor gibe at thy betters of “the Duke of B— — 'sestablishment— that's all. ”
ON BOARD THE “ANTWERPEN, ” OFF EVERYWHERE. We havebidden adieu to Billingsgate, we have passed the Thames Tunnel; itis one o'clock, and of course people are thinking of being hungry.What a merry place a steamer is on a calm sunny summer forenoon,and what an appetite every one seems to have! We are, I assure you,no less than 170 noblemen and gentlemen together, pacing up anddown under the awning, or lolling on the sofas in the cabin, andhardly have we passed Greenwich when the feeding begins. Thecompany was at the brandy and soda-water in an instant (there is asort of legend that the beverage is a preservative againstsea-sickness), and I admired the penetration of gentlemen whopartook of the drink. In the first place, the steward WILL put somuch brandy into the tumbler that it is fit to choke you; and,secondly, the soda-water, being kept as near as possible to theboiler of the engine, is of a fine wholesome heat when presented tothe hot and thirsty traveller. Thus he is prevented from catchingany sudden cold which might be dangerous to him.
The forepart of the vessel is crowded to the full asmuch as the genteeler quarter. There are four carriages, each withpiles of imperials and aristocratic gimcracks of travel, under thewheels of which those personages have to clamber who have a mind tolook at the bowsprit, and perhaps to smoke a cigar at ease. Thecarriages overcome, you find yourself confronted by a huge penfulof Durham oxen, lying on hay and surrounded by a barricade of oars.Fifteen of these horned monsters maintain an incessant mooing andbellowing. Beyond the cows come a heap of cotton-bags, beyond thecotton-bags more carriages, more pyramids of travelling trunks, andvalets and couriers bustling and swearing round about them. Andalready, and in various corners and niches, lying on coils of rope,black tar-cloths, ragged cloaks, or hay, you see a score of thosedubious fore-cabin passengers, who are never shaved, who alwayslook unhappy, and appear getting ready to be sick.
At one, dinner begins in the after-cabin— boiledsalmon, boiled beef, boiled mutton, boiled cabbage, boiledpotatoes, and parboiled wine for any gentlemen who like it, and tworoast-ducks between seventy. After this, knobs of cheese are handedround on a plate, and there is a talk of a tart somewhere at someend of the table. All this I saw peeping through a sort ofmeat-safe which ventilates the top of the cabin, and very happy andhot did the people seem below.
“How the deuce CAN people dine at such an hour? ”say several genteel fellows who are watching the manoeuvres. “Ican't touch a morsel before seven. ”
But somehow at half-past three o'clock we haddropped a long way down the river. The air was delightfully fresh,the sky of a faultless cobalt, the river shining and flashing likequicksilver, and at this period steward runs against me bearing twogreat smoking dishes covered by two great glistening hemispheres oftin. “Fellow, ” says I, “what's that? ”
He lifted up the cover: it was ducks and greenpease, by jingo!
“What! haven't they done YET, the greedy creatures?” I asked. “Have the people been feeding for three hours? ”
“Law bless you, sir, it's the second dinner. Makehaste, or you won't get a place. ” At which words a genteel party,with whom I had been conversing, instantly tumbled down thehatchway, and I find myself one of the second relay of seventy whoare attacking the boiled salmon, boiled beef, boiled cabbage, andc. As for the ducks, I certainly had some pease, very fine yellowstiff pease, that ought to have been split before they were boiled;but, with regard to the ducks, I saw the animals gobbled up beforemy eyes by an old widow lady and her party just as I was shriekingto the steward to bring a knife and fork to carve them. The fellow!(I mean the widow lady's whiskered companion)— I saw him eat peasewith the very knife with which he had dissected the duck!
After dinner (as I need not tell the keen observerof human nature who peruses this) the human mind, if the body be ina decent state, expands into gayety and benevolence, and theintellect longs to measure itself in friendly converse with thedivers intelligences around it. We ascend upon deck, and aftereying each other for a brief space and with a friendly modesthesitation, we begin anon to converse about the weather and otherprofound and delightful themes of English discourse. We confide toeach other our respective opinions of the ladies round about us.Look at that charming creature in a pink bonnet and a dress of thepattern of a Kilmarnock snuff-box: a stalwart Irish gentleman in agreen coat and bushy red whiskers is whispering something veryagreeable into her ear, as is the wont of gentlemen of his nation;for her dark eyes kindle, her red lips open and give an opportunityto a dozen beautiful pearly teeth to display themselves, and glancebrightly in the sun; while round the teeth and the lips a number oflovely dimples make their appearance, and her whole countenanceassumes a look of perfect health and happiness. See her companionin shot silk and a dove-colored parasol; in what a gracefulWatteau-like attitude she reclines. The tall courier who has beenbouncing about the deck in attendance upon t