Paul Clifford — Volume 06
144 pages

Paul Clifford — Volume 06


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The Project Gutenberg EBook Paul Clifford, by Lytton, Volume 6. #160 in our series by Edward Bulwer-LyttonCopyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the copyright laws for your country before downloadingor redistributing this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook.This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do notchange or edit the header without written permission.Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of thisfile. Included is important information about your specific rights and restrictions in how the file may be used. You can alsofind out about how to make a donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved.**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts****EBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971*******These EBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers*****Title: Paul Clifford, Volume 6.Author: Edward Bulwer-LyttonRelease Date: March 2005 [EBook #7733] [Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] [This file was firstposted on May 13, 2003]Edition: 10Language: English*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PAUL CLIFFORD, BY LYTTON, V6 ***This eBook was produced by Bryan Sherman and David Widger, widger@cecomet.netPAUL CLIFFORD, Volume 6.By Edward Bulwer-LyttonCHAPTER XXVIII. God bless our King and Parliament, And ...



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The Project Gutenberg EBook Paul Clifford, byLytton, Volume 6. #160 in our series by EdwardBulwer-LyttonCopyright laws are changing all over the world. Besure to check the copyright laws for your countrybefore downloading or redistributing this or anyother Project Gutenberg eBook.This header should be the first thing seen whenviewing this Project Gutenberg file. Please do notremove it. Do not change or edit the headerwithout written permission.Please read the "legal small print," and otherinformation about the eBook and ProjectGutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included isimportant information about your specific rights andrestrictions in how the file may be used. You canalso find out about how to make a donation toProject Gutenberg, and how to get involved.**Welcome To The World of Free Plain VanillaElectronic Texts****EBooks Readable By Both Humans and ByComputers, Since 1971*******These EBooks Were Prepared By Thousandsof Volunteers*****Title: Paul Clifford, Volume 6.
Author: Edward Bulwer-LyttonRelease Date: March 2005 [EBook #7733] [Yes,we are more than one year ahead of schedule][This file was first posted on May 13, 2003]Edition: 10Language: English*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERGEBOOK PAUL CLIFFORD, BY LYTTON, V6 ***This eBook was produced by Bryan Sherman andDavid Widger, widger@cecomet.netPAUL CLIFFORD, Volume 6.By Edward Bulwer-LyttonCHAPTER XXVIII.               God bless our King and Parliament,               And send he may make such knavesrepent!
                         Loyal Songs against the RumpParliament.               Ho, treachery! my guards, my cimeter!                                                  BYRON.When the irreverent Mr. Pepper had warmed hishands sufficiently to be able to transfer them fromthe fire, he lifted the right palm, and with anindecent jocularity of spirits, accosted the ci-devantornament of "The Asinaeum" with a sounding slapon his back, or some such part of hisconformation."Ah, old boy!" said he, "is this the way you keephouse for us? A fire not large enough to roast a nit,and a supper too small to fatten him beforehand!But how the deuce should you know how toprovender for gentlemen? You thought you were inScotland, I'll be bound!""Perhaps he did when he looked upon you, Ned!"said Tomlinson, gravely; "'t is but rarely out ofScotland that a man can see so big a rogue in solittle a compass!"Mr. MacGrawler, into whose eyes the palmistry ofLong Ned had brought tears of sincere feeling, andwho had hitherto been rubbing the afflicted part,now grumbled forth,"You may say what you please, Mr. Pepper, but itis not often in my country that men of genius areseen performing the part of cook to robbers!"
"No!" quoth Tomlinson, "they are performing themore profitable part of robbers to cooks, eh!""Damme, you're out," cried Long Ned,—"for in thatcountry there are either no robbers, because thereis nothing to rob; or the inhabitants are all robbers,who have plundered one another, and made awaywith the booty!""May the de'il catch thee!" said MacGrawler, stungto the quick,—for, like all Scots, he was a patriot;much on the same principle as a woman who hasthe worst children makes the best mother."The de'il," said Ned, mimicking the "silver sound,"as Sir W. Scott had been pleased facetiously to callthe "mountain tongue" (the Scots in general seemto think it is silver, they keep it so carefully) "thede'il,—MacDeil, you mean, sure, the gentlemanmust have been a Scotchman!"The sage grinned in spite; but remembering thepatience of Epictetus when a slave, and mindfulalso of the strong arm of Long Ned, he curbed histemper, and turned the beefsteaks with his fork."Well, Ned," said Augustus, throwing himself into achair, which he drew to the fire, while he gentlypatted the huge limbs of Mr. Pepper, as if toadmonish him that they were not so transparent asglass, "let us look at the fire; and, by the by, it isyour turn to see to the horses.""Plague on it!" cried Ned; "it is always my turn, I
think. Holla, you Scot of the pot! can't you provethat I groomed the beasts last? I'll give you a"crown to do it.The wise MacGrawler pricked up his ears."A crown!" said he,—"a crown! Do you mean toinsult me, Mr. Pepper? But, to be sure, you did seeto the horses last; and this worthy gentleman, Mr.Tomlinson, must remember it too.""How!" cried Augustus; "you are mistaken, and I'llgive you half a guinea to prove it."MacGrawler opened his eyes larger and larger,even as you may see a small circle in the waterwiden into enormity, if you disturb the equanimityof the surface by the obtrusion of a foreignsubstance."Half a guinea!" said he; "nay, nay, you joke. I'mnot mercenary. You think I am! Pooh, pooh! youare mistaken; I'm a man who means weel, a manof veracity, and will speak the truth in spite of allthe half- guineas in the world. But certainly, now Ibegin to think of it, Mr. Tomlinson did see to thecreatures last; and, Mr. Pepper, it is your turn.""A very Daniel!" said Tomlinson, chuckling in hisusual dry manner."Ned, don't you hear the horses neigh?""Oh, hang the horses!" said the volatile Pepper,forgetting everything else, as he thrust his hands inhis pockets, and felt the gains of the night; "let us
first look to our winnings!"So saying, he marched towards the table, andemptied his pockets thereon. Tomlinson, nothingloath, followed the example. Heavens! whatexclamations of delight issued from the scoundrels'lips, as, one by one, they inspected their newacquisitions!"Here's a magnificent creature!" cried Ned,handling that superb watch studded with jewelswhich the poor earl had once before unavailinglyredeemed,—"a repeater, by Jove!""I hope not," said the phlegmatic Augustus;"repeaters will not tell well for your conversation,Ned! But, powers that be! look at this ring,—adiamond of the first water!""Oh, the sparkler! it makes one's mouth water asmuch as itself. 'Sdeath, here's a precious box for asneezer,—a picture inside, and rubies outside! Theold fellow had excellent taste; it would charm himto see how pleased we are with his choice ofjewelry!""Talking of jewelry," said Tomlinson, "I had almostforgotten the morocco case. Between you and me,I imagine we have a prize there; it looks like a jewelcasket!"So saying, the robber opened that case which onmany a gala day had lent lustre to the polishedperson of Mauleverer. Oh, reader, the burst ofrapture that ensued! Imagine it! we cannot express
it. Like the Grecian painter, we drop a veil overemotions too deep for words."But here," said Pepper, when they had almostexhausted their transports at sight of thediamonds,—"here's a purse,—fifty guineas! Andwhat's this? Notes, by Jupiter! We must changethem to-morrow before they are stopped. Cursethose fellows at the Bank! they are always imitatingus, we stop their money, and they don't lose amoment in stopping it too. Three hundred pounds! Captain, what say you to our luck?"Clifford had satgloomily looking on during the operations of therobbers; he now, assuming a correspondentcheerfulness of manner, made a suitable reply,and after some general conversation the work ofdivision took place."We are the best arithmeticians in the world," saidAugustus, as he pouched his share; "addition,subtraction, division, reduction,—we have them allas pat as 'The Tutor's Assistant;' and, what isbetter, we make them all applicable to the Rule ofThree.""You have left out multiplication!" said Clifford,smiling. "Ah! because that works differently. Theother rules apply to the specie-s of the kingdom;but as for multiplication, we multiply, I fear, nospecies but our own!""Fie, gentlemen!" said MacGrawler, austerely,—forthere is a wonderful decorum in your trueScotsmen. "Actions are trifles; nothing can be
cleaner than their words!""Oh, you thrust in your wisdom, do you?" said Ned."I suppose you want your part of the booty!""Part!" said the subtilizing Tomlinson. "He has ninetimes as many parts as we have already. Is he nota critic, and has he not the parts of speech at hisfingers' end?""Nonsense!" said MacGrawler, instinctively holdingup his hands, with the fork dropping between theoutstretched fingers of the right palm."Nonsense yourself," cried Ned; "you have a sharein what you never took! A pretty fellow, truly! Mindyour business, Mr. Scot, and fork nothing but thebeefsteaks!"With this Ned turned to the stables, and soondisappeared among the horses; but Clifford, eyingthe disappointed and eager face of the culinarysage, took ten guineas from his own share, andpushed them towards his quondam tutor."There!" said he, emphatically."Nay, nay," grunted MacGrawler; "I don't want themoney,—it is my way to scorn such dross!" Sosaying, he pocketed the coins, and turned,muttering to himself, to the renewal of his festivepreparations.Meanwhile a whispered conversation took placebetween Augustus and the captain, and continued
till Ned returned."And the night's viands smoked along the board!"Souls of Don Raphael and Ambrose Lamela, whata charming thing it is to be a rogue for a little time!How merry men are when they have cheated theirbrethren! Your innocent milksops never made sojolly a supper as did our heroes of the way.Clifford, perhaps acted a part, but the hilarity of hiscomrades was unfeigned. It was a deliciouscontrast,— the boisterous "ha, ha!" of Long Ned,and the secret, dry, calculating chuckle ofAugustus Tomlinson. It was Rabelais againstVoltaire. They united only in the objects of theirjests, and foremost of those objects (wisdom isever the but of the frivolous!) was the great PeterMacGrawler.The graceless dogs were especially merry uponthe subject of the sage's former occupation."Come, Mac, you carve this ham," said Ned; "youhave had practice in cutting up."The learned man whose name was thusdisrespectfully abbreviated proceeded to performwhat he was bid. He was about to sit down for thatpurpose, when Tomlinson slyly subtracted hischair,—the sage fell."No jests at MacGrawler," said the maliciousAugustus; "whatever be his faults as a critic, yousee that he is well grounded, and he gets at onceto the bottom of a subject. Mac, suppose your next
work be entitled a Tail of Woe!"Men who have great minds are rarely flexible,—they do not take a jest readily; so it was withMacGrawler. He rose in a violent rage; and had therobbers been more penetrating than theycondescended to be, they might have noticedsomething dangerous in his eye. As it was, Clifford,who had often before been the protector of histutor, interposed in his behalf, drew the sage aseat near to himself, and filled his plate for him. Itwas interesting to see this deference from Powerto Learning! It was Alexander doing homage toAristotle!"There is only one thing I regret," cried Ned, withhis mouth full, "about the old lord,—it was athousand pities we did not make him dance! Iremember the day, Captain, when you would haveinsisted on it. What a merry fellow you were once!Do you recollect, one bright moonlight night, justlike the present, for instance, when we were doingduty near Staines, how you swore every person westopped, above fifty years old, should dance aminuet with you?""Ay!" added Augustus, "and the first was a bishopin a white wig. Faith, how stiffly his lordship jiggedit! And how gravely Lovett bowed to him, with hishat off, when it was all over, and returned him hiswatch and ten guineas,—it was worth thesacrifice!""And the next was an old maid of quality," said
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