Tell the Truth About Adultery , livre ebook

Tell the Truth About Adultery
A Story of Love, Betrayal, and Hope
Dr. Sheila Graham Smith
Austin Macauley Publishers
2019-06-28
Tell the Truth About Adultery About the Author Dedication Copyright Information Acknowledgments Introduction Letter from My Sixty-Plus Self Prologue Silence Chapter 1 Pain Chapter 2 Anger Chapter 3 Fear Chapter 4 Trust Chapter 5 Forgiveness Chapter 6 Hope Chapter 7 References
About the Author
Dr. Sheila Graham Smith is a retired executive faculty member of Baylor University. Her professional work encompassed advocacy for students with special needs. Her Master’s degree is in Educational Psychology and her Doctorate is in Curriculum and Instruction. She was the Director of the Disability Support Office at Baylor University. Dr. Smith was also instrumental in founding the disability support program in Beirut, Lebanon called SKILD (Special Kids with Individual Learning Differences), a beacon educational program in the Middle East. She was born and raised in Beirut and considers herself bilingual and bicultural, arriving in the United States in the early 1970s. A mother of two and a grandmother of five, she lives in Waco, Texas. In addition to being an author, she is an avid organic gardener, blogger, and cook.
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my grandchildren, Kate, Natalie, Jack, Luke, and Kendall, who daily inspire me to be my best self.
Copyright Information
Copyright © Dr. Sheila Graham Smith (2019)
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher.
Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
Ordering Information:
Quantity sales: special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the address below.
Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication data
Smith, Dr. Sheila Graham
Tell the Truth About Adultery: A Story of Love, Betrayal, and Hope
ISBN 9781643782423 (Paperback)
ISBN 9781643782430 (Hardback)
ISBN 9781643782447 (Kindle e-book)
ISBN 9781645367277 (ePub e-book)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2019937778
The main category of the book — Family & relationships / Divorce & Separation
www.austinmacauley.com/us
First Published (2019)
Austin Macauley Publishers LLC
40 Wall Street, 28th Floor
New York, NY 10005
USA
mail-usa@austinmacauley.com
+1 (646) 5125767
Acknowledgments
Thank you to the army of women who’ve marched alongside me:
Elaine White, who helped me hone my words for this book.
Linda Dulin whose own story gave me courage to find my voice.
Leslie Smith, a stalwart friend from college years till today who was always on call for whatever emergency through this process of healing.
Barbara Hamlin, my creative ‘bestie’ whose photographs inspired the cover of this book.
Ibtissam Constantine, my childhood friend who completely gets me!
My three sisters, Catherine, Rose Mary, and Christine, the glue that bonds this crazy family together, on whose honest support and unconditional love I depend.
And most importantly, my graciously generous, elegantly formidable mother who pulled out the best in her children.
Introduction Letter from My Sixty-Plus Self
It has been twenty years since I wrote my divorce story! Back then, I had sent it to a publishing company, and they were initially interested. However, the editorial board rescinded their interest and responded to me with an unusually worded sentence,
“We think the raw emotions you express would be too difficult to read. No, we are not interested in publishing your story at this time.” So, I put it away till now.
A new friend in my life, a fellow writer, was asking me about my past and in getting to know each other, I mentioned that I had written this mini saga down. She was anxious to read it. Her response after reading Tell the Truth About Adultery was the antithesis of the editorial board’s opinion.
She said, “This is authentic and poignant. Other women who have experienced what you have need to read it.”
Yes, twenty years ago, I wrote this for me, for my healing, but I also had others in mind who might have walked in my shoes and needed validation, to be seen and feel safe in their vulnerability, to know that their feelings and experiences were authentic and not ‘too’ anything!
Considering the ‘#metoo’ movement in our world today, I want women, especially minister’s wives who find themselves in similar situations, to be brave about their stories. Men in positions of power in the entertainment and political spheres are being exposed. My prediction that the spiritual arena is next is coming to fruition. I urge victimized women to no longer believe the lies by which they’ve been manipulated in the past when their thoughts were held captive by their abuser. Tell your story and begin the process of healing. Be challenged. As your sisters hear your story, they will be encouraged and strengthened.
I’m now in my sixties and have remained silent, except for in private conversations. Recently, I’ve experienced a reawakening that’s been in part a settling for the status-quo and another part reinvention. For you see, in the last twenty years, I have gone through major life upheavals as we all do. Right after my divorce, my father and brother died within five years of each other, I remarried the loveliest man (a childhood friend), fought illnesses (hepatitis C, lupus, and breast cancer), became a grandmother (five exuberant times), had to take early medical retirement from a hard, sought-for career and claim disability, and mourned my mother’s recent passing. Whew! It’s been quite a ride! On the bright side, marrying my best friend during tumult has been a startling and precious gift. He has been a true partner, only wishing what is best for me.
A variable in this roller coaster litany of upheavals is the autoimmune disorder, lupus. I’ve experienced numerous hospital stays and procedures, convalesced and recuperated. And I can say truthfully that I’ve now settled into a place of peace, working each day within the job description of being healthy. Practically, I’ve learned that my responsibility is to do whatever is in my power to be as healthy as possible. Spiritually, I’m learning to live one day at a time with a recurrent request of God, “Put in my path, show me today, what you want of me.”
What does this repeating request look like? It’s living in the mindset of recognition, recognizing God’s voice, acknowledging his direction, and following through. These daily implementations are not extraordinary! Sometimes it’s as simple as turning the compost pile and collecting eggs from our hens. Other days it’s saying ‘yes’ to a tutoring request from students who’ve been referred to me. It’s always about sharing meals with friends and family. It’s about holding babies in the church nursery so that young parents are free to soak up much-needed spiritual nourishment.
It’s about spending endless hours in my garden and opening the garden gate to friends and neighbors. It’s about writing devotionals as part of our church’s ministry. It’s writing bi-weekly blog posts. I’ve learned to be grateful for forced medical retirement because how else would I have had time to pick up grandchildren from school and offer uninterrupted hours of grandma presence? Chronic illness sifts away the debris of life’s distractions. What’s left are the essentials: relationships and the love needed to grow these relationships.
In reading back on my story from twenty years ago and being my sixty-plus self today, I feel like the gnarly old olive tree referred to in Psalms 52:8.
“For I’m like a spreading olive tree in God’s house; for I trust in God’s true love forever and ever.”
I remember as a little girl the sprawling silver leafed olive trees surrounding our home on a terraced hillside in Lebanon. What does an olive tree look like? Some are hundreds of years old and so large that a child like me could climb their knobby protrusions like a ladder and nestle into welcoming branches with a good book to read or just for imaginary play.
From the viewpoint of a child, twenty years seemed like an eternity back then. Yet, I didn’t even wait twenty years to get married! As an extremely young adult, nineteen, I idealistically assessed myself as mature and ready for marriage. I married between my sophomore and junior years in college and had children at twenty-three and twenty-four. Yes, my boys were twelve months apart! Back then in the seventies, getting married and having a family young was the norm.
As girls in the Church, we were raised under the tutelage of outspoken Christian leaders who espoused the mandate that a man, a male, was the head of a household. The Christian conference and revival speakers taught a hierarchal system of marriage in which the female was under the auspices of the male husband. And heaven forbid if you were single, because then you were still under the authority of your father or considered a freakish independent female. We were the generation that had the audacity to demand a place in the workforce, never dreaming of the day of receiving equal pay to our male peers!
A good Christian wife was to sublimate her intellect, her emotions, her desires, and her gifts, to never out-shine her husband. If she had the temerity to do so, she was negatively considered as being pushy, aggressive, and conceited. The same attributes in a male were viewed as desirable and tangible proof of admirable leadership qualities. This pattern was not only acted out in c