0 BC to 1 AD , livre ebook

About the Author
Having been an avid reader and writer for most of her life, this is Leigh’s first published work. She is a proud mum and nanny who enjoys crafts, knitting, sewing and puzzles but not cooking. She likes nature, peace, quiet and solitude but not the fast-paced buzz of modern technology. She is the tortoise, not the hare.


Dedication
To my daughters with love and gratitude.
And to fellow travellers on one of life’s ‘C’ roads.


Leigh Jeffery
0 BC to 1 AD
( B efore C ancer) – ( A fter D iagnosis)




Copyright Information
C opyright © Leigh Jeffery (2019)
The right of Leigh Jeffery to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.
Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781528916592 (Paperback)
ISBN 9781528961615 (ePub e-book)
www.austinmacauley.com
First Published (2019)
Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd
25 Canada Square
Canary Wharf
London
E14 5LQ


Acknowledgements
For their skill, patience and caring I thank all of the hospital staff I came into contact with. May your light continue to shine on those who need it.
For the love, support and just being there, I thank my family who have a special place in my heart.
For friends, some old and some new, know you are loved and appreciated too.
For all at Austin Macauley Publishers without whom your hands would now be empty. Thank you.


Discovery
Yesterday was a normal day.
Today, not so
For it is a turn-your-world-upside-down day.
I am clean, damp and warm
Water drips from my hair, I smell of jasmine flowers
And a step was all it took.
Out from the shower
To in front of the mirror
Where I saw something I didn’t want to see.
Stare, peer, look again.
I blinked but I was not blinkered
So it did not go away.
Tentatively, my hand rose up
To touch this shadow place
On this body that now feels cold and shocked.
Phone.
You need the phone.
You need to call.
You need to do it now.
But you need to get warm.
But you need to get dressed.
But you need to be calm.
But you need to wait
Too early yet to be late enough to ring.
Eat.
Yes, you need to eat
Eat something
Drink something.
Swallow tasteless, texture-less lumps of something.
Let them struggle their way down my throat
And lie
Weighted
And heavy
Inside me.
The weight of it
Is more than the weight of the food.
It is the weight of the mass
And of the mass of
Tumbling
Stumbling
Crashing thoughts
Careering to the finish line.
The line I don’t want to cross.


Step One
He says:
“What can I do for you?”
I say:
“I found a lump in my breast.”
He says:
“Okay, let’s take a look.”
So I let him.
He says:
“Urgent referral but I wouldn’t worry,” and
“Give this form to the receptionist.”
So I do.
She says:
“Take a seat, someone will be out to see you in a minute.”
And they are
And they say:
“Come with me through to the office,” and
“Take a seat.”
Again, I do.
Would I like this date and time
Or that date and time?
I think to myself
I don’t want either thank you
I just want to go home
But I say:
“That date is fine.”


Parcelled Away
My mind is focused on the parcel
The one I need to send.
It is a birthday present
And I am worried about it.
Post it now
And they will question its early arrival.
But I am scared to leave it.
I don’t want it to get forgotten
In the upheaval of
The approaching appointment.
And they don’t know
Yet
About the appointment.
So, I worry
About what to do
For the best.
But that is okay
Because if I focus my worry on the parcel………
………
………
Time passes…
………
………
And I can manage
Because everything else
Is contained
(Bracketed away)
In the back of my mind
For now.


Telling
For and against:
Friends for 30 years
So, yes, I reached out for her hand
And she put it in mine and she held me
Although she is 300 miles away now.
It was easy and it was instinctive.
But my family
My children, my girls, both grown and flown
How can I burden them with this?
Do I wait until this
Becomes definitely ‘something’
To spare their worry?
Or do I speak now, so they are prepared
For when this becomes defined
And battle lines are drawn?
So I agonise
Flip back and forth
Not knowing what to do
For the best.
In the end, I compromise with
In my mind
A well-reasoned choice.
Why Friday?
Yesterday was a normal day for them.
Today, not so.
Not now I have spoken.
I didn’t want them to be alone.
So I waited for the weekend
Knowing they would each have someone home with them.
Friday:
My words go something like this:
How are you?
How are your husbands and children?
What are you up to this weekend?
Me?
Yeah, I’m fine.
No, I’m not doing anything special
But I do have something to tell you.
And I do.
I drop my little worry bomb
Into their respective worlds.


Bus Brain
How do I get to the appointment?
I don’t drive.
I will go on the bus.
Which bus?
3, 9 or 115 for 3.30.
If I go on the 9
There’s only one an hour.
On time arrives at 3:00
Plenty of time.
But what if it doesn’t come?
Should I go on the one before
And
Have
A
L o n g
Wait?
I can’t be late.
If I go on the 115
There’s one every 20 minutes
Goes ’round the houses
Takes longer
And there’s a walk to the bus stop
Takes a quarter of an hour
And I think it’s more expensive.
Then there’s the 3
Every ten minutes. Better
But it doesn’t go all the way.
I would have to change
To a 115
But it would take less time
I think.
Unless I miss a connection
Then it won’t
So maybe I ought to allow extra time
And there would be two lots of fares.
So I’ll go on the 9
But that doesn’t go ’round the hospital
I’d have to walk in from the road.
Would there be enough time if it’s late?
Maybe I ought to go earlier
And
Then
Wait.
What if I get stuck on a bus that breaks down?
I never have before
But they do
And I really can’t be late.
When did a simple decision become such a complicated minefield?
Why can’t my brain work it out?
Why can’t my brain work?


Rounds 1 to 4
Round 1:
We go through the details, preliminary fact-finding.