Let Go Now, livre ebook

Meditations and Reflections to Help End Codependence      

“In 200 short, straightforward daily lessons illustrating the many forms that detachment can take in one’s life. Casey’s latest is an easy reference guide for those seeking recovery or peace.”—Publishers Weekly

#1 New Release in Personality Disorders and Twelve-Step Programs

Do you ever feel like you might be giving other people too much power over your mood? Do you find yourself feeling immobilized by expectations and demands? The cure for facing codependence, says Karen Casey, is detachment.

Control your life by letting go. When we remove codependent behavior from our lives, we discover a life of balance and freedom. Whether you find yourself tempted to become enmeshed in other people’s problems or rushing to their rescue, Casey reminds us to stop controlling behavior—that we cannot control anyone or anything beyond ourselves.

What is codependency and detachment? Inside, you’ll find gems of insight for every stage of your codependence recovery journey. Through 200 recovery meditations and reflections, Casey explores how to set boundaries, control emotions, face attachment issues in adults, and more. Inspirational and easy to read, Let Go Now guides us away from taking care of others, and toward taking care of ourselves.

If you’re looking for a codependent book or an attachment book—like Melody Beattie books,The Power of Letting Go  Codependent No More, or TheLanguage of Letting Go book—you’ll love Let Go Now.

53

Detachment is letting others have their own opinions.

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN DIDN’T ALLOW FOR DIFFERING opinions. My father insisted that we agree with him, or all hell broke loose. Whether the topic was politics or music, his opinion was the only right one and having one that ran counter to it was evidence of insubordination. I locked horns with him for years. I felt compelled to disagree, on my own behalf and on behalf of my mom and younger brother, too. My older sisters seldom got involved in “the dance” he and I did, a dance that continued long after I left home.

I grew into adulthood steeped in this pattern of behavior, a pattern that didn’t allow much room for discussion with anyone. I had to be right, just as my dad had had to be right. It wasn’t until my own recovery from drugs and alcohol that I understood what the need to be right was about. Fear was the root cause for my dad’s attempts to control how others thought. Fear prompted my own, too. Now I know there is nothing to fear. We come together by design. We learn by design. We let go, we detach, by design too, and peace blossoms within.

Letting go of someone else’s journey is the most freeing experience we can have today. And it’s by far the best gift we can offer someone, too.

54

Detachment is being able to let others journey whever they need to go.

IT’S NOT UNCOMMON TO ASSUME THAT SINCE WE ARE generally in the company of family and friends, that our journeys must be similar. And there always will be some aspects that are similar. But what any one of us is here to learn is quite specific. The reason we are journeying side by side is that we need each other for support and suggestions; there is a difference, however, between sharing what has worked for us and trying to control how someone else should live his or her life.

Being able to detach from our loved ones is seldom easy. It doesn’t feel natural. In fact, it more commonly feels unsympathetic and self-centered. But that’s the value of practice. We learned our math tables by practicing them. We learn how to be skillful at golf or tennis or bridge through many hours of practice. In fact, Malcolm Gladwell, author of Outliers: The Story of Success, says that the key to success in any field requires practicing for it for ten thousand hours. Detaching is a skill too, and we can hone it if we are willing to work at it. The payoff is that our companions learn how to take responsibility for themselves and then rely on their Higher Power, and we learn how to focus on the only journey over which we have any real control: our own.

Watching our loved ones move through their experiences, and praying for them if the need arises, is our assignment, little else.

Contents

Introduction

MEDITATIONS

1. Detachment is simply watching the events that are unfolding around you, getting involved only when your journey is part of the experience.

2. Detachment is stepping back from an experience in order to allow room for God to do His or Her part.

3. Detachment promises quiet contentment.

4. Detachment is making no one a project.

5. Detachment means taking no hostages.

6. Detachment means giving up outcomes.

7. Detachment is letting the solutions be determined by God.

8. Detachment is understanding that we are never the cause of someone else’s actions.

9. Detachment is getting over “it,” whatever “it” is.

10. Detachment frees up our time.

PAUSE AND REFLECT

11. Detachment simplifies our life.

12. Detachment is an acquired habit.

13. Detachment means freedom from obsession.

14. Detachment is knowing that what others do is not a reflection on you.

15. Detachment is not making a big deal of situations, even complicated ones.

16. Detachment empowers us.

17. Detachment frees us from overreaction.

18. Detachment may mean doing nothing.

19. Detachment may be remaining quiet.

20. Detachment is not acquiescence.

PAUSE AND REFLECT

21. Detachment is disengagement, nothing more.

22. Detachment means not letting the behavior of others cause you to suffer.

23. Detachment can be triggered by the reminder, “Don’t go there.”

24. Detachment is not letting someone else’s past determine your present.

25. Detachment relies on the “little willingness” to surrender.

26. Detachment is noticing people without judgment.

27. Detachment is freedom from chaos.

28. Detachment is “moving away” from a conversation that begins to irritate.

29. Detachment is knowing that the mind can change if what you say to the mind changes.

30. Detachment is letting decisions that need to be made by others be only theirs.

PAUSE AND REFLECT

31. Detachment is “keeping it simple”—staying out of situations that don’t directly involve you.

32. Detachment is having your life be about you, not about other people.

33. Detachment is living in our adult observer role.

34. Detachment is not being dependent on others for good feelings.

35. Detachment is taking responsibility for our own life.

36. Detachment means not being a victim anymore.

37. Detachment is living one’s own life while letting friends and family live as they choose.

38. Detachment is never letting someone else control how we think, feel, or behave.

39. Detachment is letting go of fear over others’ behavior.

40. Detachment is freedom from relying on others to complete our lives.

PAUSE AND REFLECT

41. Detachment, when fully expressed, promises peacefulness.

42. Detachment is a gift that we receive from our relationships well lived.

43. Detachment from others is necessary to fully enjoy attachment to God.

44. Detachment is knowing that others’ criticisms are about them.

45. Attachment to God is what makes detachment possible.

46. Attachment to anyone other than God imprisons us.

47. Detachment is not letting the mood swings of others determine your own mood.

48. Detachment is practicing the awareness that changing our thoughts can produce changed feelings.

49. Detachment is knowing that happiness is the by-product of how we live our lives, not how others are living theirs.

50. Detachment is not needing attention from others to feel okay.

PAUSE AND REFLECT

51. Detachment is being able to care deeply about a situation or another person from an objective point of view.

52. Detachment is not creating or preventing a crisis when it’s clearly not our business to be involved.

53. Detachment is letting others have their own opinions.

54. Detachment is being able to let others journey wherever they need to go.

55. Detachment is knowing that you are not God.

56. Detachment is no longer succumbing to the suggestions of others when they are not right for us.

57. Detachment is being able to walk away from situations that are not helpful to us.

58. Detachment is knowing that your life is God’s business, not yours.

59. Detachment is knowing what is not your business.

60. Detachment allows us to hear God.

PAUSE AND REFLECT

61. Detachment is letting others take care of their own affairs.

62. Attachment to people deadlocks our growth.

63. Detachment can be as simple as breathing and walking away.

64. Detachment can be enhanced by prayer.

65. Detachment means giving up “hostages.”

66. Detachment is letting the outcome of another’s behavior be his or her problem.

67. Detachment is doing the “next right thing” without focusing on the outcome.

68. Detachment is realizing that our lives are not dependent on what others are doing.

69. Detachment is showing by example, not words, how our lives can change.

70. Detachment is looking at life from a distance.

PAUSE AND REFLECT

etc.