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Hey Ladies! , livre ebook

ABRAMS BOOKS - Markowitz Michelle Markowitz

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Based on the column of the same name that appeared in The Toast, Hey Ladies! is a laugh-out-loud read that follows a fictitious group of eight 20-and-30-something female friends for one year of holidays, summer house rentals, dates, brunches, breakups, and, of course, the planning of a disastrous wedding. This instantly relatable story is told entirely through emails, texts, DMs, and every other form of communication known to man. The women in the book are stand-ins for annoying friends that we all have. There’s Nicole, who’s always broke and tries to pay for things in Forever21 gift cards. There’s Katie, the self-important budding journalist, who thinks a retweet and a byline are the same thing. And there’s Jen, the DIY suburban bride-to-be. With a perfectly pitched sardonic tone, Hey Ladies! will have you cringing and laughing as you recognize your own friends, and even yourself.

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Publié par	ABRAMS BOOKS
Date de parution	01 mai 2018
Nombre de lectures	0
EAN13	9781683352372
Langue	English
Poids de l'ouvrage	3 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0764€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

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THE STORY OF 8 BEST FRIENDS, 1 YEAR,

AND WAY, WAY TOO MANY EMAILS

Michelle Markowitz and Caroline Moss

Abrams Image, New York

introduction

Hey Ladies!

How is it possible that those two tiny words at the beginning of an email can bring on

an onslaught of feelings: anxiety, stress, agita, and underneath all of that-the palpable

excitement that lies in the possibility of having fun and making memories.

We re not exactly sure who sent the first email beginning Hey Ladies, but we imagine it

was an innocent salutation for a birthday or a shower of some kind. We imagine this poor

woman probably realized all of a sudden that she had to brainstorm, organize, and host an

event that appealed to a cross-section of women, while properly conveying how excited

she was to perform this thankless, unpaid work. And we imagine the women receiving that

first email had the following thoughts: 1) Why are there so many logistics that need to be

worked out for a night that is ostensibly about having fun? 2) Wow, this is probably going

to cost me more than I first anticipated! and 3) I want everyone to know how excited I also

am for my friend s blessed upcoming marriage/graduation/baby shower/brunch so I will

respond in kind with way too many exclamation points!!!

Why do we send Hey Ladies emails? The answer is, quite simply, like most things that

drive us a little bit crazy: We do it out of love. We love our friends and family (even if

our second cousin did plan her shower for the one weekend we mentioned we have a

conflicting event!).

In the summer of 2013, we started chatting for the first time on Twitter and bonded right

away over our shared experience of being on what seemed like hundreds (if not thousands)

of Hey Ladies planning emails at the time.

And so, Hey Ladies! was born.

A question we want to answer before you ask: No! We re not making fun of you or your

friends or women in general. We re making fun of ourselves, and how mass emails to big

groups seem to bring out the OMG SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!! in all of us.

Now, we offer you a book. We hope it resonates with you, we hope it s cathartic, and we

hope it makes you laugh. Remember: We re all in this together.

Enjoy.
Katie

Ali

Gracie

Ashley

How are you?

Wanna hangout?!?!

Hiiii
Morgan

Nicole

Caitlin

Jen
january
january

To:

Katie, Jen, Ashley, Morgan, Gracie, Caitlin, Nicole

From:

Ali

Date:

January 1 at 8:00 a.m.

Subject:

New Year = New Us

Hey Ladies!

Rabbit rabbit. Happy New Year!!! I know this is going to be our best year yet! I had such

a great time last night -- maybe

too

much fun. Which reminds me, can everyone send me

their NYE photos this morning? I ll edit them to make us all look more fierce and collected

and less like a drunk mess who spent twenty minutes comforting our crying friend in the

bathroom because that guy she has been hooking up with didn t show up. (For the record --

I m going into this new year letting go of bad habits and negativity and focusing on

attracting positivity and good feelings into my life, but, Nicole, I hate that guy!)

These are my resolutions for the new year:

I will cultivate mature relationships with men in which I am recognized and valued for

the person I am.

I will be the best friend that I can be, and I will use my god-given skills to plan fun

activities for all of us so we can all enjoy this carefree time in our lives. (Should we plan

an MLK weekend to Iceland? Or Greenland? I can never remember which one is cold!)

I will work out every day and lose twenty pounds. The weight loss will be a happy by-

product of all my spinning and not the reason for it.

I will lean in to my career.

???? TBD!

These resolutions are making me feel so centered and excited already! I can feel myself and

my tribe (that s what I heard my yoga teacher call her group of friends -- so cute, right??)

becoming healthier already!

Can you please email me all of your resolutions by EOD. This is so fun!

Also, I am writing this while Ben (my new boyfriend????) is sleeping next to me!!!! We ll

probably spend the day building snowmen in Central Park and having sex by a fireplace.

Jen -- if I go into his bathroom and take photos of what s in his medicine cabinet, can you

text your doctor friend really quick and tell me what his prescriptions mean/what medical

issues our potential children might have??

We re so #blessed.

Love,

Ali

---

What would you do if you weren t afraid? -Anyone who s ever given a TED Talk
january

To:

Ali, Jen, Ashley, Morgan, Gracie, Caitlin, Nicole

From:

Katie

Date:

January 1 at 8:20 a.m.

Subject:

Re: New Year = New Us

Ladiessssssss <3

Happy New Year! Ali, does Ben know you were making out with Teddy last night at

Brother Jimmy s? Don t ask me how I know, but you did end up on the New York City New

Year s Snapchat Story so...that s how I knew. LOL! Don t worry. Apps like Snapchat are so

ephemeral. It will be gone within 24 hours.

Thought about my rezzies, and here they are:

Work promotion. I have told you guys before, so you def don t need reminding, so this

is really for me: I am more than the freelance listicle journalist and girl who tags the

stories on the

Times

website with the categories that they belong to. I want to be an

investigative reporter (maybe for a Euro bureau?), and I want that to happen by next

year. This is like a 6-level promotion, but I did take 4 journo classes in undergrad, so

I think I have an edge.

Find my phone. Wanted to check and see if my phone ended up with any of you last

night. I can t find it, and I have no idea if I left it in the Uber, the Lyft, or at the bar. :(

I want to kill myself. I feel like I have an unfair advantage because I know like everything

that s happening 24/7, and in this case, maybe it s too much stimulation, because now

I m freaking out about someone stealing my phone. I know everyone says they can t live

without their phones, but for me it s true because I am a (soon-to-be) journalist.

I think it s great for those of you who are focused on love, but I am very career-oriented

and I understand that means love takes a backseat. We all saw what happened to

Bethenny Frankel.

Are any of you awake yet?????? I know we didn t have brunch plans, but I am thinking

about trying to get a table at that new upscale diner place on the West Side. I think it s

called Diner, but I can t remember the name for sure. Thoughts? Can someone google?

I feel like we could do it if everyone could be there at 9 a.m. (40 mins from now?) Jen,

can you drive in from Jersey or take the Path ?

OK, greatttttt, I ll make a rez. I can t summon an Uber though, because I don t have my

phone so not really sure how to get there .subway???? Maybe I ll do Zipcar.

iMessage me (I have it on desktop) if you

can t

go. Otherwise I ll see you there. Sorry in

advance for def being in a bitchy mood. I WANT MY PHONE BACKKKKKKKK.

Smooch,

Katie
january

To:

Ali, Katie, Ashley, Morgan, Gracie, Caitlin, Nicole

From:

Jen

Date:

January 1 at 8:25 a.m.

Subject:

Re: New Year = New Us

Hey Ladies!

Last night was so much fun! I can t even remember the last time Brad and I stayed out past

midnight, lol! #PracticallyMarried

Sorry I had to leave right after the ball drop -- did I miss anything??

The new year is upon us, and while it s time to look forward, I think it s important to look

back as well, and as Oprah says, express your gratitude. So:

I am most grateful this year for my family (except my cousin Kayla, who s just so jealous of

me and my life with Brad, it s sad), my friends (esp you ladies!!), and most of all, the love of

my life, my hero, my Prince -- my boyfriend, Brad.

I can t believe this year we ll be celebrating 6 years together (if you don t count the 2 non-

consecutive years we weren t together, and I do not). It feels like I ve known him for a

lifetime. ;) Brad is the most remarkable person I ve ever met. Just this morning, I opened

my eyes, and do you know what he said to me? Happy New Year. How cute is that???

He s made me happier than I ever thought possible!!! I ll never forget the time we went to

the top of the Empire State Building (I ve been into spicing it up with

Sleepless in Seattle

role-playing) and I said, This view is amazing! and he was looking right at me and then he

goes -- seriously I can t even make this up -- he said: Yeah, it is. And I m not talking about

the skyline. SWOON!!!! That being said, if he doesn t propose this year I will likely be forced

to break up with him. Sorry I am old-school and don t believe in long-term partnerships

without forward momentum. Put a ring on it! Luckily he loves when I send him subtle hints,

like leaving photos around our apartment of the exact ring he better buy soon.

I just keep falling more and more in love with him every day. Like right now? I love him more

than I did when I started this email. I m so lucky my soulmate danced into my life. I m so

#blessed. Here s hoping he pops the Q soon, because finding someone else on short notice

would be difficult for me, and my plan has always been to get pregnant by 31.

With that in mind, here are my resolutions:

To get Brad to propose to me via a cycle of being warm (to show him what I d be like as

a wife!) and being distant (to show him what it would be like to not have me in his life!).

Begin the stressful process of shopping for a condo. (Tribeca?? Near the park?? Terrace

space? There are so many things to think about!)

Lose 15 lbs, but only for health reasons and

not

for vanity reasons. I will cut out carbs,

work out 7 times a week, and not eat anything after 7 p.m. each night as a long-term

lifestyle change, rather than a short-ter

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