The Other Guys

THE BACK UPS
by
CHRIS HENCHY AND ADAM MCKAY
GARY SANCHEZ PROD
323-465-4600EXT. MANHATTAN BANK - DAY
Its a perfect day in New York - blue skies and sunshine.
INT. NEW YORK BANK - DAY
Just a few customers are in the bank as it nears closing
time: A WOMAN WEARING SUNGLASSES WITH A BABY STROLLER
steps up to the teller.
TELLER
Hello there. Whats this little
ones name?
The woman reaches down and pulls a blanket off the
stroller. The two other customers reach in and pull out
SLICK SEMI AUTOMATIC RIFLES.
WOMAN WITH GUNS
(thick German accent)
The babys name is push the alarm
and you will have a giant bloody
hole in your chest!
MUSIC: RAPID FIRE SNARE DRUM SCORES THE ROBBERY
The woman takes off a wig, REVEALING a man. ALL THREE
ROBBERS LOOK IDENTICAL: blonde, baseball caps, blonde
moustaches, sunglasses.
BANK ROBBER 1
(also with German
accent)
Everybody relax. I want no
heroes! If you notice I have a
Germanic accent, from the Rhine
region. Something distinct to
tell the authorities.
The Security Guard raises his arms submissively.
BANK ROBBER 3
Three more minutes!
BARRY, the assistant manager, walks over and opens the
door for Bank Robbers 1 and 2 while Bank Robber 3 keeps a
gun on the employees and a few customers.
BARRY
This way!
TELLER
Barry, what are you doing?
(CONTINUED)2.
CONTINUED:
BARRY
I have to. My daughters going to
Tulane. I want a plasma. ITS
CALLED LIVING!
Barry leads Bank Robber 1 and 2 to the vault.
BANK ROBBER 3
One hundred forty seconds!
BANK ROBBER 2
(in German)
Theres no money in the vault!
Just these notes!!
BANK ROBBER 1
Barry, there was supposed to be
two million in cash! What the shit
is going on!!!
BARRY
(fast nervous
description)
Well see, the Fed just came and
seized all our cash and reserve
deposits. Right before that
happened, the bank put all of its
outstanding mortgages into four
tranches, which was snapped up by
China, which is a good thing.
Cash infusion, right? Wrong,
sixty percent of debt was toxic.
Cash from China isnt coming in
and now weve had to issue
Promissory Notes to cover all
reserves on deposit. But I assure
you, in four years youre looking
at six hundred thousand dollars, a
nice tidy sum.
Bank Robber #3 holds up a bag.
BANK ROBBER 3
I got eight thousand from the
drawers! Lets go!
All three Bank Robbers start to back out of the bank.
Barry follows.
BANK ROBBER 1
(turns and points
gun)
And Barry, just to guarantee that
no one talks.
(CONTINUED)3.
CONTINUED: (2)
BARRY
I asked you a dozen times if you
were going to kill me after the
robbery and you said no.
BANK ROBBER 1
I lied.
BARRY
I even asked you if you would say
I lied if I asked you why you
were going to kill me after-
He shoots Barry. Barrys lifeless body falls against a
sign advertising low, low mortgage rates.
SFX: Alarms sound.
EXT. BANK - CONTINUOUS
The Germans run out and into a waiting car -- a late
modeled Mercedes Benz -- and speed off. Cop cars follow
in the distance.
INT. MERCEDES - CONTINUOUS
Off come the sunglasses and wigs revealing three CHINESE
GUYS.
BANK ROBBER 1
(Mandarin accent)
Eight thousand dollars! That
robbery didnt even pay for
itself!
BANK ROBBER 2
(thick German accent)
At least with our German accents
they will never be able to
identify us!
BANK ROBBER 1
Stop with the accent! Its
annoying.
BANK ROBBER 2
(Cantonese accent now
as well)
Sorry. It was hard to master and I
am proud of it.4.
EXT. NEW YORK STREET- A FEW BLOCKS AWAY
CLOSE UP: wide angle lens shot of a big fat American made
tire and fender coming into frame.
MANS VOICE
Im just saying a pinch of sugar
cuts the acidity of the tomatoes.
We go inside the car to find DANSON AND MANZETTI --
iconic star cops (think Stallone, Willis, Jackson etc).
Manzetti is on the phone.
DANSON
Sometimes I put two pinches....
MANZETTI
No! Dont put two pinches!
(and then to Danson)
Stop it! My wife gets confused in
the kitchen. Shes gonna wreck the
sauce.
A call comes over the radio.
DISPATCH (V.O.)
Weve got a ten thirty in
progress. Three German males,
driving a white, late model
Mercedes. South on 6th Avenue.
Manzetti puts a magnetic light on the roof, Danson guns
the engine.
DANSON
Time to get our hair mussed up.
Danson hits the tape deck.
MUSIC: ERIC B AND RAKIMS FOLLOW THE LEADER KICKS IN.
OPENING CREDITS START
INT. CAR - DAY
Danson floors it then cuts the wheel and drives through a
park. We see the cop cars and the Mercedes speeding
through traffic and DANSON AND MANZETTI POWER INTO THE
CHASE overtaking the squad cars.5.
EXT. MERCEDES - DAY
The Chinese guys listen to a scanner.
DISPATCH (V.O.)
I repeat- a 2003 white Mercedes
300 with three German males...
BANK ROBBER 2
(German accent)
Our plan is exceeding
expectations.
BANK ROBBER 3
Seriously stop it.
They hit the brakes and skid to a stop around a corner
behind a delivery truck as the cop cars pass.
EXT. STREET - DAY
Two guys jump out and with surgical precision THEY PULL
WHITE SKINS OFF THE CAR, REVEALING A SILVER NISSAN
300ZX. One rips off the Mercedes hood ornament and
slaps on a Nissan one. In the back, the other snaps on a
spoiler. They jump back in and punch it.
INT. COP CAR - SAME TIME
We see two POLICE OFFICERS in their car. They cant find
them.
DISPATCH (V.O.)
Anyone have a read on the
Mercedes? Anyone.
COP
Its like they disappeared.
EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
Danson and Manzetti sit at the red light.
MANZETTI
(into phone)
Now just stir it on a low
flame...Make sure it simmers. You
dont want a full boil.
(CONTINUED)6.
CONTINUED:
Danson looks across at the Nissan next to him. He sees
three Chinese guys trying to look relaxed. Danson looks
closer. We see what hes looking at.
REVEAL: A MERCEDES HUB CAP.
Danson rolls his window all the way down.
DANSON
Hey fellas, Sprechen zie Mandarin?
The Chinese guys realize theyve been made. THEY PUNCH IT
THROUGH THE RED LIGHT SMASHING INTO A DOUBLE DECKER
TOURIST BUS.
Danson and Manzetti almost get hit by the toppling bus
and cut around the corner.
QUICK CUT: Body Shop Bill uncrumples in frame while
action freezes: Double Deck Tour Bus....43,450 dollars
in damages. UNFREEZE AND BACK TO ACTION.
MANZETTI
(still on phone)
Just keep stirring sweetie.
EXT. CITY STREETS - CONTINUOUS
MUSIC: FOLLOW THE LEADER kicks back in.
The two cars battle for space as they fly up Park Avenue.
We see STORE FRONTS WITH FOR LEASE signs in the windows.
INT. DANSON AND MANZETTIS CAR - CONTINUOUS
POV of DANSON as they drive to the divider on Park Ave.
The Chinese bump Dansons car. Danson drives up the
ramp, the Chinese down below. THEYVE LOST THEM.
We see in front of him the entrance to a building.
MANZETTI
Are you thinking what Im
thinking?
CRASH! Danson drives through the windowed doors and into
the office building which towers over 42nd street.7.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING OFF 42ND AND PARK
Theyre on the second floor of an office. They drive
down the corridor, taking cubicles with them as people
dive for cover.
DANSON
Stop playing mine sweeper! Get
back to work!
They smash through the cubicle where an OFFICE WORKER is
playing mine sweeper and we FREEZE AND THEN FLASH CUT TO:
TWO WEEKS LATER: A MAINTENANCE MAN finishes fixing the
cubicle.
MAINTENANCE MAN
There you go, all set.
We see the same OFFICE WORKER still playing mine sweeper.
He doesnt even look up.
OFFICE WORKER
Thanks.
UNFREEZE and BACK TO ACTION.
The car smashes through a giant window and BOUNCES DOWN
THE STAIRS separating two escalators.
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
The car crashes through the glass and onto 42nd street.
MANZETTI
(into phone)
Just add a splash of red table
wine. Not the expensive kind!
INT. NISSAN - DAY
Robber 1 looks in the rear view mirror and sees Danson
and Manzetti pull in behind them.
BANK ROBBER 2
Mein Gott!!
INT. DANSON AND MANZETTIS CAR - DAY
Manzetti reaches behind the car seat and brandishes a
large fifty caliber rifle.
(CONTINUED)8.
CONTINUED:
DANSON
Howd you get that?
MANZETTI
I used a coupon.
Danson laughs. Hes having a good time. Manzetti fires
the 50 cal at the Chinese. Its like a cannon.
SFX: THUNK, THUNK, THUNK
The Chinese fire back with 38s. Danson and Manzetti HIT
THEIR BRAKES HARD, screeching to a stop at an
intersection.
An OLD LADY PUSHES A GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR WHOS PUSHING A
BABY STROLLER through the intersection while all traffic
waits. They watch the Chinese speed off in the distance.
DANSON
(re: wheel
chair/stroller)
Amazing, all the years driving the
streets and Ive never seen that
before.
EX