Mallrats

M a l l r a t s Transcript [ Man ] one time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt ! You know you're gonna get this cat stuck in your ass too. Why don't you knock it off ?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out ?" My cousin was a weird guy. Whoa, whoa-oh-oh - [ Tires skidding ] - [ car door opening ] [ Humming ] Brandi Svening, come on down. I'm takin' your ass to Florida. Let's go, let's go. Where's your luggage ? The plane leaves in an hour. [ Sighs ] T.S., Did you see Julie Dwyer last night ? [ Groans ] yeah, yeah, I saw her at the video store. She was talking about being on your dad's stupid game show. He's not here, is he ? Yeah, he's inside. T.S. Did you tell her every time you're on TV you look ten pounds heavier ? [ Chuckles uneasily ] uh, well, yeah. I told her that the way TV shows are shot sometimes make you look a lot fatter than you are. Why, what'd she do ? Call up and cancel ? No, not exactly. T.S., You know Julie had a huge weight problem in school. She had the fattest ass. When you said that to her, she went straight up to the Y.M.C.A. And started doing laps...